Behind every great goy, is a Jew writing all of their best one-liners.

Jews make up about 0.2% of the world’s population yet they have always been a loud (emphasis on the loud) and prominent voice in film, television, music, and comedy. 

The next eight days are Hanukkah, which is not the most important Jewish holiday, but we do get presents. For each night of Hanukkah, I will share one Jewish character who is important and represents some important aspect of Judaism and Jewish culture. For the eighth and final night of Hanukkah, let’s talk about the ambiguous, honorary Jews:

Danny Castellano (The Mindy Project): Dr. Castellano is not Jewish, but rather an Italian from Staten Island. However, his face and general attitude (like Woody Allen with a wrestling obsession), make it easy to mistake him for a member of the tribe.

Walter Sobchak (The Big Lebowski): Walter is a convert who has stuck with Judaism long after his Jewish wife left him. Yet, he remains Shomer Shabbos, and takes it his devotion so far that he won’t even roll on the sabbath. This is just one of the many bizarre aspects of a beautifully bizarre film.

Cher Horowitz (Clueless): She has the last name and the “I’ll negotiate until I get exactly what I want” attitude. Plus, her father is a lawyer, but let’s not resort to ugly stereotypes.

Paulie Bleeker (Juno): Minnesota has a lot more Jews than you’d expect from a freezing, landlocked Midwestern state. Yet, Paulie has a poster in his room that is covered in Hebrew. It is never explained. It remains one of the great mysteries of Jason Reitman’s career, besides the one about why nobody respects Young Adult.

Benjamin Braddock (The Graduate): It’s Dustin Hoffman. I’ll just let him have it.

Happy Hanukkah! Here’s an episode I recorded back in November that never made it to air until now. I discuss why we should stop talking about Golden Ages, check in with the cast of Happy Endings, and review Zach Braff’s very Jewish, very irritating, Wish I Was Here.

Behind every great goy, is a Jew writing all of their best one-liners.

Jews make up about 0.2% of the world’s population yet they have always been a loud (emphasis on the loud) and prominent voice in film, television, music, and comedy. 

The next eight days are Hanukkah, which is not the most important Jewish holiday, but we do get presents. For each night of Hanukkah, I will share one Jewish character who is important and represents some important aspect of Judaism and Jewish culture. For the fourth night of Hanukkah, let’s talk about The Pickles Family of Rugrats:

Hang on to your butts, because it’s time for some pandering 90s nostalgia. Did you hear that? 90S NOSTALGIA. Put that in your SEO and smoke it.

As one of those dreaded children of the 90s (sort of? I vaguely remember seeing A Goofy Movie in theaters), I grew up during the heyday of Nickelodeon cartoons. Shows like Rocko’s Modern Life and Hey Arnold were well above my maturity level. However, we deserved these shows. We were smart enough and brave enough for them. After all, this was America before it started canceling movies.

Anyway, kids shows can teach a lot of valuable lessons that don’t actually make sense until much later in life. There is something special about Rugrats, a cartoon about rebellious talking babies, that used to strike such a cord with me. In Rugrats, the Pickles family was Jewish. Well they were half-Jewish. “Just the good half,” as my man Henry Hill would say.

While Judaism was not a typical topic of conversation in the Pickles household, the show brought it up at all the right times. This came in the form of two very memorable holiday specials: A Rugrats Passover and A Rugrats Chanukah. I like to complain that there aren’t nearly enough Hanukkah stories out there. While Hanukkah isn’t that important of a holiday, it can still feel lonely to be a Jew on Christmas, so a little consolation would be nice. You see, there are a lot of Jews working in Hollywood, as Mel Gibson might tell you. Unfortunately, a lot of those Jews aren’t telling very Jewish stories. That is why it was so nice to see how generous Rugrats was with its Jewishness.

Not to mention, while Hanukkah is a pretty simple holiday, a lot of non-Jews still don’t seem to completely understand it. “So like, if it’s about candles… then why do you get presents?” I don’t know, your holiday is about the birth of Jesus, yet you decorate trees. All holiday traditions are a little bit weird. That is what makes them so special. It is the slightest bit comforting that A Rugrats Chanukah was the first exposure to both the holiday and the religion for many people. But it also gave a lot of Jewish kids a chance to see their life on television. With this and Eight Crazy Nights, it seems like only cartoons know how to handle Hanukkah. Step it up, Hollywood, I want to see Home for the Challah Days already.

Behind every great goy, is a Jew writing all of their best one-liners.

Jews make up about 0.2% of the world’s population yet they have always been a loud (emphasis on the loud) and prominent voice in film, television, music, and comedy. 

The next eight days are Hanukkah, which is not the most important Jewish holiday, but we do get presents. For each night of Hanukkah, I will share one Jewish character who is important and represents some important aspect of Judaism and Jewish culture. For the third night of Hanukkah, let’s talk about Neal Schweiber of Freaks and Geeks:

Because Jews constitute a very small fraction of this earth (0.2% of the world’s population), there is a tendency to always feel like an outsider, even if you are at the top of the world. That is probably another place where Jews developed their sense of humor from: if everybody is going to ostracize us, then we might as well make fun of you.

I can think of no better Jew that fits this description than Neal Schweiber of Freaks and Geeks. Neal seems like one of the only (if not the only) Jewish kid at this Michigan high school. You know that he’s Jewish because he will tell you that he is at any given chance. “Friday night…always good for some Sabbath,” he tells Lindsay, as she talks about playing Black Sabbath at her upcoming party, “cause you know, Friday, it’s the Sabbath…for the Jews,” for which he lets out a giant shrug. It is one of my favorite moments in the show’s very short run, and he says it in such a way that he expects her to understand it. Jews tend to forget that not everybody understands our customs.

Neal is a hybrid of Groucho Marx and Woody Allen, but with much worse skin. He wants to be both the neurotic and the wisecracker. Usually, he is better at the former than the latter. Neal gets picked on a lot and most of the time, he deserves it. None of the attacks are ever anti-Semitic, but you get the feeling that he looks and acts a little than everyone else and to them, that’s pretty off-putting.

But it’s hard not to love Neal. He tries just a little bit too hard sometimes. I like that, though. I can relate to that. He will probably grow up to be a middling comedian who does warm up for a late night show. That’s the best any weird Jewish kid who isn’t in love with sports can ever hope for.

Behind every great goy, is a Jew writing all of their best one-liners.

Jews make up about 0.2% of the world’s population yet they have always been a loud (emphasis on the loud) and prominent voice in film, television, music, and comedy. 

The next eight days are Hanukkah, which is not the most important Jewish holiday, but we do get presents. For each night of Hanukkah, I will share one Jewish character who is important and represents some important aspect of Judaism and Jewish culture. For the second night of Hanukkah, let’s talk about Shosanna Dreyfus of Inglourious Basterds:

A lot of people might not realize this, but Jews have a tough side.

We have to; we have had to go through a lot of shit. From Cossacks to Nazis, a lot of people hate Jews. There are a lot of theories that Jewish comedy stems from all the darkness that we have endured. However, there are some who, instead of laughing, decide to stick up their fists and fight back. I salute those brave souls *does one rep on the bench press; calls it a day*

Quentin Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds is filled with tough Jews. While the legendary Bear Jew seems like the more obvious choice, there is something that draws me to Shosanna Dreyfus. It might be because coming across a blonde Jew is like coming across Bigfoot or that wolf from Fantastic Mr. Fox. That is the exact reason why Shosanna is able to fit in with the Nazis that rule her native France.

Shosanna is an interesting kind of tough Jew. Unlike the Bear Jew, she doesn’t smash people’s heads in with a bat. Actions like that may defy all Jewish stereotypes of the nebbishy mother’s boy, but they also make us look like borderline terrorists. While Shosanna shows no mercy, she is also very smart about how she targets her enemies.

Early in the film, Hans Landa gives a speech where he compliments Jews by comparing them to rats, while Germans are the hawks. By the end of the film, Shosanna is the hawk, as she traps all the Nazi rats in one place with plans to burn them alive. Plus, she sits down with the man who murdered her entire family without breaking down.

I don’t advocate violence against anybody. However, tell me you didn’t get giddy when Shosanna shouted, “this is the face of Jewish vengeance!”

Image via Cinemasquid

Behind every great goy, is a Jew writing all of their best one-liners.

Jews make up about 0.2% of the world’s population yet they have always been a loud (emphasis on the loud) and prominent voice in film, television, music, and comedy. 

The next eight days are Hanukkah, which is not the most important Jewish holiday, but we do get presents. For each night of Hanukkah, I will share one Jewish character who is important and represents some important aspect of Judaism and Jewish culture. For the first night of Hanukkah, let’s talk about Larry Gopnik of A Serious Man:

A Serious Man is a film by Joel and Ethan Coen. So naturally, when it was first released, nobody understood it. A lot of people compared it to the Book of Job. Sure, he gets tested a lot, but he’s more like a schlimazel than a Biblical figure. Somebody is always spilling their soup on Larry, whether that be in the form of divorce papers or blackmail.

Gopnik is a physics professor who lives in suburban Minneapolis. His children resent him, his brother freeloads off of him, and his wife wants a divorce. To add on to that, he also has a lot of money problems. While Larry has the looks and the neurotic mannerisms, he doesn’t fulfill Jewish stereotypes in that he can’t keep his finances in order.

Larry is a lovable schlub partially because most of the bad things that happen to him are out of his control. At one point, Larry seeks the help of a series of rabbis. The first rabbi won’t shut up about a parking lot. The second rabbi tells a story. The third rabbi, who is the wisest of the three, is “busy.” The second rabbi is the only helpful one with the bleak advice that you can’t stop death, so we just have to enjoy life. Like every Jew I have ever met, Larry tries so hard to control his fate that he forgets that sometimes it is both easiest and hardest to just let go.

When I first saw A Serious Man, I thought that non-Jews would not be able to connect with it. After all, it is filled with specific cultural references and Hebrew prayers. After all, every good American knows that foreign languages are scary. However, Larry’s struggle is not so different from anybody else’s troubles. Everybody wants their loved ones to succeed. Nobody understands music that the younger generation enjoys. Everybody gets confused when their neighbor takes their son out of school to go hunting.

Okay, so maybe not that last one. Jews are sort of different, I guess.