The great thing about being a film critic is that you can see a great film before the inevitable hype sets in with a nearly unbiased perspective. The problem with being an unlicensed film critic (do critics get licenses?) is that you see films whenever you get a chance, preferably as soon as they are first released in theaters.

So that is the difficulty with It Follows, which has been touted as the greatest thing for the horror genre since Alfred Hitchcock directed a film about a haunted loaf of sliced bread. It Follows is special in many ways, and I am rooting for it as a little indie that could. At times, it is a great throwback to horror classics. Unfortunately, this is exactly what holds it back.

It Follows is something of a rarity in today’s crowded field of low budget horror films: there are no limbs being torn off the bone, and not even a warning that all the events that we are about to witness were captured on somebody’s flip camera and found by a government agency. It Follows is not a gimmick horror film, and that is a relief. Hell, it isn’t even about teenagers being killed off one-by-one in increasingly gruesome ways.

After a promising date gone wrong, Kelly (Lili Sepe) is infected by a mysterious supernatural force that she must get rid of by passing on to somebody else. It is hard to get rid of something that can’t die, and even harder when the only way to get rid of it involves getting laid.

The best compliment I could bestow on It Follows is how well made it is. Shot on a budget of about $2 million, It Follows looks like it cost ten times that amount to make. This is a film that requires a few CGI tricks so the fact that it looks this good gives me a lot of hope for the future of these tiny devices we carry around with us. The spectacular climax, which all I’ll say about it is that it takes place in a pool, involves action that is frightening even though we are meant not to see it.

And let’s not forget the score, which is what actually makes It Follows even remotely scary. Its like techno version of Psycho. This is the kind of music that doesn’t just leave your head. Every emotion I have towards the film is tied towards the music. Obviously, music is used in a film to guide the viewer’s emotions, and the best horror films seem to use their score to their fullest potential. I will definitely be listening to this over and over again in order to freak myself out in the middle of a workday.

As much as I just described a bunch of good things, these last two paragraphs describe one of my main beefs with It Follows. Its a collection of great stylistic elements, confused as to what substance is. Its a collection of great scenes as opposed to a cohesive whole. During down time, you would hope a horror film is just revving up tension. But at times, It Follows kind of stalls, especially bogged down by a lot of half-committed performances.

I want to like It Follows more than I did, and that is not just because I feel like I should. But in the end, the best kind of horror movies are really about something else below the surface, and I can’t quite get a grip of it here. Maybe I am dumb, or maybe I have just seen enough indie movies where pools are used as a metaphor for redemption. It Follows wants to be Jaws, and it also wants to be Halloween, but it doesn’t have a shark, nor a Michael Myers.

But damn, does this film look good. I don’t know if I’ll ever watch It Follows again, but I will look at it when one of those Masterful Shots Twitter accounts posts a bunch of screenshots from it.

“And that’s when my dentist told me to floss daily.” Image via The Dissolve

When watching a feature directorial debut, look not just at how good the movie is, but how much promise it shows. A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night, the feature directorial debut of Ana Lily Amirpour, is not perfect, but the amount of promise it shows is hard to describe.

A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night wears its genre influences on its sleeves. If you can catch even half the references, then you will walk out with just a few more cool points added to your credibility. This is genre mashup that is sometimes incoherent, yet always riveting to watch.

Set in an Iranian ghost town called Bad City during an unspecified point in time, Girl chronicles a vague dystopia in which the borders are lined with ditches filled with dead bodies, the sun never seems to shine, and heroin is just the way people connect with one another. So basically, it is like a really horrifying Bruce Springsteen song come to life. There is no better way to explore human connection than through a vampire. Girl has been marketed as an “Iranian Vampire Western,” which is a perfect way to find a niche audience. Like any good western, the lead is never given a name. She is a vampire who wanders the empty streets at night, feasting on whatever lonely men happen to cross her path. But then, she finds love, or at least feelings in general, in Arash (Arash Marandi) who is sometimes as cool as James Dean and other times as awkward as Ben Braddock.

Yes, this is a film about a teenage vampire who finds love. However, this is not the indie version of Twilight. Amirpour has definitely watched enough vampire films to identify tropes and then subvert them. A Girl Walks Home finds the humanity in a vampire by showing that there actually isn’t that much of a difference between man and vampire. Sure, The Girl has agency and shows no fear, yet she is cripplingly lonely when finally confronted with love. It probably helps that Sheila Vand saw more than a just vampire in her character. With very few words, she creates a character who is both lovely and terrifying. Enjoy hearing her say “are you a bad boy?” in Farsi.

You will probably walk away from this film with very little understanding of what happened. What is certain, however, is that Ana Lily Amirpour was born to be a filmmaker. She barely needs a story; all she needs is some good lighting and even better music to convey emotions. Bad City doesn’t really exist, but it feels like a place that was invented both by experience and nightmares. The best kind of vision is one in which it feels like a director is inviting you into their weird little world. There is no better example of this than the scene where The Girl puts on White Lies’ “Death” (which I thought was a Cure song at first, because I’m not good at being cool) on her record player while her and Arash get the feels. I just want to hug scenes like this and live in them forever. Amirpour understands how to appeal to both the film snob and the sad teenager inside all of us.

Girl Walks Home is all over the place, sometimes for better, and sometimes for worse. Sometimes, it feels like a French New Wave Spaghetti Western, and other times it feels like Near Dark by way of David Lynch. It is a scrappy debut, but one that deserves your attention. In the same way that Reservoir Dogs showed that Tarantino was a budding master at writing dialogue and Who’s That Knocking at My Door showed that Scorsese was a budding master at turning violence into art, Girl Walks Home shows Amirpour as a budding master of mashing up genres while capturing loneliness through sight and sound.

So to answer the question that you are probably asking, this film is not necessarily accessible to the casual filmgoer. But if you take the risk and go see A GIrl Walks Home Alone at Night, you might walk away from the black and white facade and immediately into the nearest video store you can find (a few of these still exist) with a pile of movies you had never heard of before.

Dog in a horror movie? Never a good idea. Image via IGN

Unlike any other genre, except maybe for the romantic comedy, horror seems the most tied to its formula. I don’t mean that as an insult. There is a very particular way to be scared, and horror movies need to follow the formula to get the screams out. Then again, some of the best genre entries completely defied expectations.

This is partially what is so special about The Babadook: it is both completely new and very familiar. What makes The Babadook unique is that instead of stealing from the classics, it builds on them.

For a movie made on a tiny budget, Jennifer Kent’s first feature film sure does look good. Seriously, the other day NBC put on a live version of Peter Pan for some reason. It probably cost millions, yet you could see all the strings. The Babadook was partially funded on Kickstarter, yet it looks like the work of a major studio.

I don’t know much about Australian cinema (Crocodile Dundee doesn’t count), but The Babadook does everything it can to be more than just that Australian horror movie. It is a universal horror movie filled with universal fears. Are you afraid that somebody in your family might try to kill you? Good, so everybody else is as well. After many years, Amelia (Essie Davis) still can’t get over the death of her husband. Meanwhile, she is a single mother who must deal with her psychologically unstable son Sam (Noah Wiseman). One night, Amelia reads Sam a picture book that is actually rather scary. From there, the mysterious haunting of The Babadook begins.

Jennifer Kent could be on her way to becoming the Australian Tarantino. Like The Master himself, Kent wears her influences on her sleeves. At any given moment, The Babadook could be paying tribute to The Exorcist, Rosemary’s Baby, or The Shining. Sam is like a Danny Torrance clone while Amelia is like Wendy Torrance with a damaged maternal instinct. All of the stock situations, from the shaking beds to the possessed children, are all the more unsettling given the film’s many surprises. All I will say is that Sam is not the only crazy one here. In fact, he might not be that crazy at all.

The best horror films are the ones that both shatter and question all sense of normality. The Babadook is not a film for the impatient, because it spends its sweet ass time building up to an eventual pay off. I like this, it’s like all the movies I love from the 1970s would do. This is partially about building up a sense of dread, but more about giving a clearer picture of the world that surrounds the characters. Amelia and Sam are outsiders, and they are considered freaks to everybody else in town. Yet, when compared with the housewives that all wear the exact same outfits and spurt out the exact same platitudes, they seem a hell of a lot more interesting.

And yes, the last half hour when all hell breaks loose is worth watching the first hour in which events unfold at a snail’s pace. I have a feeling that first chunk would improve significantly on a second viewing.

The Babadook is a great looking horror film from a director who obviously cares a lot about this genre. I guess I should also mention that Sam spends a lot of the film carrying around a homemade crossbow. This usually gets him into a lot of trouble. We never really know if he’s actually shooting at anything. Let’s keep it that way.

Help! I’m stuck in a bad Kevin Smith movie! Image via Bloody Disgusting

Oh Kevin Smith, why hath thou foresaken us?

Tusk, the latest Kevin Smith joint, has received a lot of hype both for its weird premise and the weird way in which the story was first conceived. Like the scientific experiment seen onscreen, Tusk is equal parts bizarre and inexplicable. But most of all, it never justifies its reason for existence.

The idea for Tusk was spurred by an episode of Smith’s podcast. So of course, Tusk centers around a pair of podcasters who host a podcast called the Not-See Podcast. Say it out loud. That’s the only running joke this film is able to provide. What nobody told Kevin Smith is that if you have a running joke, you have to vary it a little bit. Yeah, Not-See sounds like Nazi. I didn’t get it the first ten times.

Anyway, Justin Long and Haley Joel Osmont play a pair of mismatched podcasters named Wallace Bryton and Teddy Craft. They host what I presume is the morning drive equivalent of podcasts. The two of them mainly enjoy making fun of people who make fools of themselves on the Internet. One of them is a Canadian boy who accidentally cuts his own leg off while trying to reenact Kill Bill. Wallace makes a trip up to Manitoba to interview him.

Here is Tusk‘s first big red flag: this movie tries to crate a despicable lead character. That is fine, as movies that have a-holes as main characters can be great. However, Tusk keeps telling us that Wallace is a big meanie, yet it never really convinces us as to why. Making fun of people on YouTube is what Daniel Tosh gets paid millions for. And we all know that if you’re rich, then you’re automatically a good person.

A lot of bad things happen to Wallace in Tusk, and it seems like Kevin Smith wants you to believe that he had this coming. But where is the build up. One second, Wallace is in cushy LA recording studio. And the next, he is deep in the Canadian woods with a deranged mad man (Michael Parks) who wants to turn him into a walrus. But the movie never takes anytime to explore his Los Angeles relationships. Sure, a few flashbacks are clumsily incorporated. However, those moments could have been strung together to make a solid first act that would have served as the film’s emotional backbone.

Changes like that could have been made if there had been a rewrite. Now, I have no proof that Kevin Smith didn’t rewrite Tusk, but I have a strong suspicion that he didn’t even bother. Tusk started off as a story Smith and his co-host made up in a podcast episode. I wish it stayed that way. I feel like a lot of the story might have actually worked if it just remained in podcast form. Once you see the actual walrus creation, it is hard to know if you should be frightened or amused. Tusk lingers between horror and comedy. It can never quite decide which one it wants to be. It could have been both, but it doesn’t even want to do that, either. Hey man, whatever will get you that paycheck fastest.

Being so harsh on Kevin Smith, because I am a huge fan. Well, at least I am a huge fan of the Kevin Smith who made Clerks, Mallrats, and Dogma. Being a cinephile at age 12 and then getting to see Clerks is like a revelation. But everything that made him so cool in the 90s seems to have vanished. I hate to say that he’s gone too mainstream, but he has gone from writing politically charged monologues about the Death Star to actually getting to visit the set of Star Wars. In Tusk, Johnny Depp (oh yeah, he’s in it) mentions The Big Lebowski one time and we are all expected to magically applaud. Oh cool, you’ve heard of a movie that we have also heard of! How relatable! With a few Degrassi references to boot, Tusk is a parody of a Kevin Smith film written by somebody who also has a thing for walrus erotica.

While others seem to be rooting for its downfall, I really wanted to like Tusk. I was hoping a guy who helped pave the way for podcasts everywhere might have something insightful to say about it. Instead, Tusk is lost miles up Kevin Smith’s own self-referential ass, in search of an editor.

Brain Farts From The Edge

• When Waterworld came out, many people referred to it as “Kevin’s Gate” and “Fishtar,” as a way to mock what a big flop it was. Both those nicknames could apply to Tusk. For now, let’s just assume that a walrus is a type of fish.
• Kevin Smith is one of those directors who draws a lot of strong feelings out of people, whether positive or negative. He’s like Wes Anderson in jorts!
• Tusk could be used as propaganda for anti-Marijuana legalization.
• Canada jokes were always a big part of the View Askewniverse. But like I said, this is a parody of a Kevin Smith film. We get it, they like maple syrup and hockey. Smith seems like he’s ten years behind; How I Met Your Mother owns the market on Canada jokes. And it’s not even on the air anymore.
• Haley Joel Osment. He’s still alive.
• Michael Parks. Let’s give him some credit here. An amazing actor who deserves mainstream recognition.
• Part of me just the film stayed in LA and was just a meandering look at the lives of podcasters. As somebody who has forayed into that world, I would have found that much more relatable. If somebody pitched to me “Mallrats but with podcasters,” I would buy it on the spot.
• “BM in the PM’s coffee.” Okay, that line got me.
• I can’t knock Kevin Smith for his ambition. There is an interesting idea in here. “What makes man? What makes walrus?” Maybe Smith should have thought a little more before asking everyone on Twitter if he should make a movie. #WalrusNo