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It’s like they put out Christmas movies earlier and earlier every year.

The release of “The Night Before” marks the start of 2015′s Christmas Movie Season. It is perhaps one of my favorite Christmas-themed movies in a long time. Maybe after a few more viewings, I will be able to put it alongside “Trading Places.”

In “The Night Before,” Joseph Gordon-Levitt plays Ethan. When he was a child, his parents were both killed in a car accident one Christmas. After that, his best friends Isaac (Seth Rogen) and Chris (Anthony Mackie) form a makeshift family with him and vow to spend every Christmas together. However, the older they get, the more difficult this becomes. While Isaac and Chris have career and family obligations, Ethan is the only one of them who can’t seem to grow up.

Like with “White Christmas” and many other Christmas classics in popular culture, “The Night Before” was put together by a lot of Jews. In fact, “The Night Before” is populated with more Jews than any other Christmas movie I can remember. Ilana Glazer (“Broad City”) and Nathan Fielder (“Nathan for You”) appear alongside Rogen and Gordon-Levitt.

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In the past, Jews have had to hide themselves in plain sight in Hollywood, throwing away Hanukkah traditions and buying into this whole Christmas thing. That changed around the time Adam Sandler came out with his first version of the Hanukkah song (for the record: I have heard the upcoming fourth version and it is great) and “Rugrats” put out a Hanukkah special. With this in mind, “The Night Before” might feel like a step back. Don’t get me wrong, it is a holiday classic in the making, complete with a stoned guardian angel played by Michael Shannon. However, I am still waiting for my Hanukkah classic, and “Eight Crazy Nights” doesn’t quite cut it.

However, in terms of Jews getting their beloved (but not that important) December holiday on the big screen, “The Night Before” comes very close. For this, we can thank Seth Rogen and his Star of David sweatshirt.

In the movie, Rogen is something of the token Jew in a movie that is filled with Jews playing non-Jews. Rogen is not the movie’s main character, and his story arc is less about being Jewish and more about his fear of fatherhood. But hey, the man spends the entire movie wearing a Star of David so we’re going to talk about it.

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Rogen’s Isaac is first introduced at a Christmas party. He has married a non-Jew (Jillian Bell). He is asked by two very creepy identical twins what a Jew is. Yes, I have been asked many variations of this question in the past. This movie tackles the fear of being alone on Christmas. Really, “The Night Before,” directed by Jonathan Levine, is Christmas through the Jewish perspective. Ethan wants a family to celebrate the holiday with. Anyone who lights a menorah for an eight night stretch of the year knows the lonely feeling of being the only one without a Christmas tree to decorate.

Jews will do anything to make it feel like they are celebrating their own holiday on Christmas, given that Hanukkah and Christmas rarely overlap. Some people go to the movies and eat Chinese food (the latter is part of Ethan, Isaac, and Chris’s Christmas tradition). Others might go to a Jewish dating event where a mixed drink costs $18 (I have done this and that price is real). None of these exactly feel right but they are comforting in their own weird ways. They are means of connecting on the one day of the year where you roll out of bed feeling like a misfit.

To say that Jews are an underrepresented minority in film and television would be wrong, given that Hollywood actually was founded by a bunch of Jews and there are minorities that deal with real representation problems every day (watch “Master of None”). However, it still feels like the Jewish experience can be hidden in plain sight, even when Jewish people are both in front of and behind the camera.

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Luckily, we have Seth Rogen. For him, it is just impossible to hide his Jewish nature. In “Knocked Up,” when asked what product he uses in his hair, he simply responds, “it’s called Jew.” While Gordon-Levitt is a chameleon, Rogen just has to be Jewish. It’s the elephant in the room.

The Jewish nature of “The Night Before” goes well beyond a reference or joke or two. Sure, it’s not “A Serious Man.” However, it is a step towards showing that not everybody connects with the biggest holiday of the year, and that maybe we will finally get the Hanukkah movie that we deserve.

But really, “The Night Before” is less about the true meaning of Christmas and more about the importance of being around friends, family, and people you love. You don’t have to celebrate this one holiday just to fit in.

Behind every great goy, is a Jew writing all of their best one-liners.

Jews make up about 0.2% of the world’s population yet they have always been a loud (emphasis on the loud) and prominent voice in film, television, music, and comedy. 

The next eight days are Hanukkah, which is not the most important Jewish holiday, but we do get presents. For each night of Hanukkah, I will share one Jewish character who is important and represents some important aspect of Judaism and Jewish culture. For the eighth and final night of Hanukkah, let’s talk about the ambiguous, honorary Jews:

Danny Castellano (The Mindy Project): Dr. Castellano is not Jewish, but rather an Italian from Staten Island. However, his face and general attitude (like Woody Allen with a wrestling obsession), make it easy to mistake him for a member of the tribe.

Walter Sobchak (The Big Lebowski): Walter is a convert who has stuck with Judaism long after his Jewish wife left him. Yet, he remains Shomer Shabbos, and takes it his devotion so far that he won’t even roll on the sabbath. This is just one of the many bizarre aspects of a beautifully bizarre film.

Cher Horowitz (Clueless): She has the last name and the “I’ll negotiate until I get exactly what I want” attitude. Plus, her father is a lawyer, but let’s not resort to ugly stereotypes.

Paulie Bleeker (Juno): Minnesota has a lot more Jews than you’d expect from a freezing, landlocked Midwestern state. Yet, Paulie has a poster in his room that is covered in Hebrew. It is never explained. It remains one of the great mysteries of Jason Reitman’s career, besides the one about why nobody respects Young Adult.

Benjamin Braddock (The Graduate): It’s Dustin Hoffman. I’ll just let him have it.

Happy Hanukkah! Here’s an episode I recorded back in November that never made it to air until now. I discuss why we should stop talking about Golden Ages, check in with the cast of Happy Endings, and review Zach Braff’s very Jewish, very irritating, Wish I Was Here.

Behind every great goy, is a Jew writing all of their best one-liners.

Jews make up about 0.2% of the world’s population yet they have always been a loud (emphasis on the loud) and prominent voice in film, television, music, and comedy. 

The next eight days are Hanukkah, which is not the most important Jewish holiday, but we do get presents. For each night of Hanukkah, I will share one Jewish character who is important and represents some important aspect of Judaism and Jewish culture. For the fourth night of Hanukkah, let’s talk about The Pickles Family of Rugrats:

Hang on to your butts, because it’s time for some pandering 90s nostalgia. Did you hear that? 90S NOSTALGIA. Put that in your SEO and smoke it.

As one of those dreaded children of the 90s (sort of? I vaguely remember seeing A Goofy Movie in theaters), I grew up during the heyday of Nickelodeon cartoons. Shows like Rocko’s Modern Life and Hey Arnold were well above my maturity level. However, we deserved these shows. We were smart enough and brave enough for them. After all, this was America before it started canceling movies.

Anyway, kids shows can teach a lot of valuable lessons that don’t actually make sense until much later in life. There is something special about Rugrats, a cartoon about rebellious talking babies, that used to strike such a cord with me. In Rugrats, the Pickles family was Jewish. Well they were half-Jewish. “Just the good half,” as my man Henry Hill would say.

While Judaism was not a typical topic of conversation in the Pickles household, the show brought it up at all the right times. This came in the form of two very memorable holiday specials: A Rugrats Passover and A Rugrats Chanukah. I like to complain that there aren’t nearly enough Hanukkah stories out there. While Hanukkah isn’t that important of a holiday, it can still feel lonely to be a Jew on Christmas, so a little consolation would be nice. You see, there are a lot of Jews working in Hollywood, as Mel Gibson might tell you. Unfortunately, a lot of those Jews aren’t telling very Jewish stories. That is why it was so nice to see how generous Rugrats was with its Jewishness.

Not to mention, while Hanukkah is a pretty simple holiday, a lot of non-Jews still don’t seem to completely understand it. “So like, if it’s about candles… then why do you get presents?” I don’t know, your holiday is about the birth of Jesus, yet you decorate trees. All holiday traditions are a little bit weird. That is what makes them so special. It is the slightest bit comforting that A Rugrats Chanukah was the first exposure to both the holiday and the religion for many people. But it also gave a lot of Jewish kids a chance to see their life on television. With this and Eight Crazy Nights, it seems like only cartoons know how to handle Hanukkah. Step it up, Hollywood, I want to see Home for the Challah Days already.

Behind every great goy, is a Jew writing all of their best one-liners.

Jews make up about 0.2% of the world’s population yet they have always been a loud (emphasis on the loud) and prominent voice in film, television, music, and comedy. 

The next eight days are Hanukkah, which is not the most important Jewish holiday, but we do get presents. For each night of Hanukkah, I will share one Jewish character who is important and represents some important aspect of Judaism and Jewish culture. For the third night of Hanukkah, let’s talk about Neal Schweiber of Freaks and Geeks:

Because Jews constitute a very small fraction of this earth (0.2% of the world’s population), there is a tendency to always feel like an outsider, even if you are at the top of the world. That is probably another place where Jews developed their sense of humor from: if everybody is going to ostracize us, then we might as well make fun of you.

I can think of no better Jew that fits this description than Neal Schweiber of Freaks and Geeks. Neal seems like one of the only (if not the only) Jewish kid at this Michigan high school. You know that he’s Jewish because he will tell you that he is at any given chance. “Friday night…always good for some Sabbath,” he tells Lindsay, as she talks about playing Black Sabbath at her upcoming party, “cause you know, Friday, it’s the Sabbath…for the Jews,” for which he lets out a giant shrug. It is one of my favorite moments in the show’s very short run, and he says it in such a way that he expects her to understand it. Jews tend to forget that not everybody understands our customs.

Neal is a hybrid of Groucho Marx and Woody Allen, but with much worse skin. He wants to be both the neurotic and the wisecracker. Usually, he is better at the former than the latter. Neal gets picked on a lot and most of the time, he deserves it. None of the attacks are ever anti-Semitic, but you get the feeling that he looks and acts a little than everyone else and to them, that’s pretty off-putting.

But it’s hard not to love Neal. He tries just a little bit too hard sometimes. I like that, though. I can relate to that. He will probably grow up to be a middling comedian who does warm up for a late night show. That’s the best any weird Jewish kid who isn’t in love with sports can ever hope for.

Behind every great goy, is a Jew writing all of their best one-liners.

Jews make up about 0.2% of the world’s population yet they have always been a loud (emphasis on the loud) and prominent voice in film, television, music, and comedy. 

The next eight days are Hanukkah, which is not the most important Jewish holiday, but we do get presents. For each night of Hanukkah, I will share one Jewish character who is important and represents some important aspect of Judaism and Jewish culture. For the second night of Hanukkah, let’s talk about Shosanna Dreyfus of Inglourious Basterds:

A lot of people might not realize this, but Jews have a tough side.

We have to; we have had to go through a lot of shit. From Cossacks to Nazis, a lot of people hate Jews. There are a lot of theories that Jewish comedy stems from all the darkness that we have endured. However, there are some who, instead of laughing, decide to stick up their fists and fight back. I salute those brave souls *does one rep on the bench press; calls it a day*

Quentin Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds is filled with tough Jews. While the legendary Bear Jew seems like the more obvious choice, there is something that draws me to Shosanna Dreyfus. It might be because coming across a blonde Jew is like coming across Bigfoot or that wolf from Fantastic Mr. Fox. That is the exact reason why Shosanna is able to fit in with the Nazis that rule her native France.

Shosanna is an interesting kind of tough Jew. Unlike the Bear Jew, she doesn’t smash people’s heads in with a bat. Actions like that may defy all Jewish stereotypes of the nebbishy mother’s boy, but they also make us look like borderline terrorists. While Shosanna shows no mercy, she is also very smart about how she targets her enemies.

Early in the film, Hans Landa gives a speech where he compliments Jews by comparing them to rats, while Germans are the hawks. By the end of the film, Shosanna is the hawk, as she traps all the Nazi rats in one place with plans to burn them alive. Plus, she sits down with the man who murdered her entire family without breaking down.

I don’t advocate violence against anybody. However, tell me you didn’t get giddy when Shosanna shouted, “this is the face of Jewish vengeance!”

Can you spot all the quirky things about this photo? Image via Hollywood Reporter

Zach Braff has only directed two films in the past ten years, yet he has somehow managed to piss everybody off. Maybe it’s time he gets out of Hollywood for a bit. Maybe he’s getting too much sun, and it’s time to go back and smell the fresh Turnpike air in New Jersey.

Braff’s latest film, Wish I Was Here, plays like a training montage of indie cliches. It’s like they just wanted to point their camera at a bunch of objects for 106 minutes and yell, “look how quirky this is! Do you feel the quirks yet? Do you?!” I could make a list of every little cliche, but that could fill up an entire review.

If you want your character to be at least remotely likable, maybe it’s a bad idea to introduce them screaming at a dog. That’s how Braff decides to introduce Aidan Bloom, a part-time actor, part-time Secular Jew stuck in Hollywood limbo. He hasn’t gotten an acting gig in a long time, as everybody likes to remind him, and the only thing holding him together is his half-Jewish wife (Kate Hudson), who slaves away at a miserable day job. We know it’s miserable because her office is shot with a green tint. Meanwhile, Aidan’s father (Mandy Patinkin) is paying to send the kids to Jewish school, but he is stricken with cancer and can no longer pay for it.

By the way, did I mention that there were Jews involved yet? I feel like Zach Braff just grabbed a “Jews for Dummies” book and wrote down whatever words he could remember. A dog named Kugel? Haha good one! I really wanted to like Wish I Was Here, because I always feel like sticking up for the films with overtly Jewish themes. However, Wish I Was Here manages to take all of the mystique surrounding Hashem and turns it into something skin deep. Think of what would happen if A Serious Man was made with the intent of being a mainstream hit.

Now, what I really loved about a film like A Serious Man is that I saw aspects of my own life and upbringing in it. Remember, this is a film that’s set in Minnesota in 1967, so it couldn’t be any farther from my own life. Instead, Wish I Was Here relies on the Wise Rabbi trope too heavily. Plus, there is a scene where Aidan reads a poem that he claims was his mother’s favorite. It is an excerpt from T.S. Eliot’s Prufrock. Besides being a brilliant poet, Eliot was also an infamous anti-Semite. If you’ve ever had Jewish parents before, then you’ll know that any artist with at least the slightest whiff of Jew-hatin’ is not to be forgiven (mainly Mel Gibson).

The point is that Wish I Was Here is nowhere near as authentic as it claims to be. After his daughter shaves off her own hair, Aidan takes her to buy a wig that’s “unique and amazing like you.” He never, you know, talks to the kid and tells her it’s not the end of the world. Instead, she’s treated like some kind of circus freak just because she decided to shave her hair off. The only person here who seems to have a real reaction to anything is Mandy Patinkin, who truly sells every single line he is given. Josh Gad is also a scene stealer here. And poor Kate Hudson. She deserves a comeback where she doesn’t have to repeat the phrase “half-boner” as much as she does here.

I found myself yelling “shut up!” at the screen multiple times. Braff expects us to be moved just because there is sickness and just because there is triumph of the human spirit. You don’t have to force it so much, especially when Mandy Patinkin could have just worn a bunch of wigs and played every single character. Wish I Was Here has a few, truly nice laughs, and a few emotional payoffs that work but overall, it feels like emotional manipulation gone awry. Just when you think it has come to an original revelation, it contains an ocean metaphor. Wish I Was Here could have been a lot smarter if it didn’t think its audience was so dumb.

Brain Farts From The Edge

• Seriously, that’s the best B-story you could get? A sexual harassment case that never elevates? Like I said, Kate Hudson deserves a better comeback.
• It seems like Leslie David Baker (a.k.a. Stanley Hudson from The Office) is doomed to tiny cameos for the rest of his life. Bummer.
• If you’re Quentin Tarantino or Armando Iannucci, swearing can be an art form.
• I could see Sam Rockwell in Braff’s role.
• Speaking of Sam Rockwell, remember that part in Seven Psychopaths where he tells Colin Farrell that his screenplay should abandon the story and all the characters just go to the desert and chill? And then that happens in the movie of Seven Psychopaths and it’s a disaster because a movie can’t end that way? Well, that same thing happens in Wish I Was Here. Sudden, contemplative Joshua Tree retreats don’t work, bro.
• That part with the jar of contact lenses? I like you, Zach Braff, but when did your writing devolve to eighth grade visual metaphors?
• One last thing: I don’t care what any of you say, I’m going to continue loving Garden State. I haven’t watched it in a while, but I hope it holds up.
• Credit where credit is due: Braff attempted to take a complicated idea and pushed it into the mainstream. It is a creative risk for sure. I guess America just isn’t ready for Rabbis on segways.

“We have always been a nation of immigrants who hate the new immigrants.” -Jon Stewart

Between Colonial Williamsburg and 90s nostalgia, humans have a bad habit of white washing history. Between the men dressed in funny outfits and the All That reruns, we often forget the wars and the dysentery.

Because of this, I praise the heavens above when a film like The Immigrant comes out. This is the kind of film that treats history less like an epic poem and more like a rap lyric. In other words, this film is aware that life is a dirty game, and you’ve got to play dirty to win. Now, excuse me while I slap myself in the face for writing those last few sentences.

Set in 1921, The Immigrant touches a nerve for me, as all Jews must grow both sentimental and weary at the sight of Ellis Island. Passage into America meant escape from Cossacks, but it also meant living in squalor while dealing with even more persecution (this went for every ethnic group that came here). The Immigrant tells the story of Ewa Cybulska (Marion Cotillard), a young Catholic woman from Poland who is willing to do anything to survive. Or maybe she doesn’t want to do anything to survive, but she is forced to do so.

Not long after arriving at Ellis Island, Ewa is detained and nearly deported. Luckily, she is saved by  the benevolent, vaguely Jewish, Bruno Weiss (Joaquin Phoenix). While Bruno takes care of her and gives her a home, he also forces her into a harsh life of prostitution. Phoenix is on a winning streak lately, and he is so good in this that it is almost hard to describe, but I will try anyway. It looks like he learned a few tricks from Philip Seymour Hoffman while working with him in The Master. Like Hoffman did with Lancaster Dodd, Phoenix paints Bruno as stable on the outside, yet unpredictable within. Every act on kindness seems to be cloaking some sort of shady intentions. Making bad intentions reasonable and good intentions questionable is the crossroads at which the perfect amount of moral ambiguity can be created.

The Immigrant is the kind of film that is rarely made anymore, because it is the kind of film that audiences don’t normally want to see. There is no nice message at the end, and no characters ever really act out of kindness towards one another. It is an endless pit of sadness, yet it is not sadness porn, as some might call it. This is not like 12 Years a Slave that you watch once and never want to see again. There is something both compelling and oddly enjoyable about this film. There is no real comic relief to be found, but the immersion into the culture of 1920s New York is seamless. Besides this, the most enjoyable part of the film is the thrilling plot, which heads in whichever direction it feels like taking.

The Immigrant is a film about the American Dream, but not in the way in which everybody ultimately gets what they want. When you think about The Immigrant, think about The Godfather: Part II and Once Upon a Time in America. That might seem like a bit of a reach, but this is the kind of film that aspires to climb to that high of a level. This is more of a film about what America takes away than what it gives. Even if you are one of the lucky few to get a shot at this great opportunity, that doesn’t mean that your life is all that great. Everyone worked and fought so hard to reach New York, and then once they got there, they all wanted to get away. Nothing better reflects this than the very last shot of the film. I dare not spoil it, but it’s one of the most incredible cinematic illusions I have ever seen. Once you see it, you can’t forget it.