In this episode of the podcast, I remain hopeful about the future of Mulaney, praise Gone Girl, and defend Lena Dunham. Still not sponsored by Stamps.com

Note: I accidentally attached the wrong episode before. It’s been fixed.

Just another day at the mall. Image via DVD Active

So, I saw Tusk, Kevin Smith’s latest film, the other day. Needless to say, I was not a big fan.

Sure, it showed that Kevin Smith is still a deeply ambitious director. Yet, it lacked everything that once made him one of my heroes. This inspired me to go back and take another look at the View Askewniverse. This is the name of Kevin Smith’s earlier films that all took place in the same New Jersey town, making him the John Hughes of the Garden State. All of the film’s contained interlocking and recurring characters.

For the most part, each View Askew film could be viewed individually without knowing the joke and still be enjoyable. The references to his other films served as a nice bonus for dedicated fans. This is the opposite of Tusk, which seemed like it was made for dedicated Smodcast fans.

Here is a look back and official ranking of the films that made up the View Askewniverse. With this, I hope to go back to a simpler time in Smith’s career, and also answer the question as to why he has become such a cult icon:

6. Clerks II (2006)

Clerks II is a sequel that nobody asked for. But when it comes to the general public, Kevin Smith has very selective hearing. For what it’s worth, Clerks II is not terrible. There’s a memorable debate about Lord of the Rings and an even more memorable accidental racist tirade. It even has some heart to it, and it eventually resolves Randall and Dante’s bromance. Amazing debate about racism aside, “meh” is about the best way to describe it.

5. Chasing Amy (1997)

Smith got a lot of notice and a lot of praise for Chasing Amy, which has a bit more dramatic weight to it than his first few features. It’s an unfortunate truth in Hollywood that it’s hard for a comedian to be taken seriously until they’ve made something serious. Chasing Amy is one of Smith’s most genuine screenplays, and it even manages to squeeze more than just a few words out of Silent Bob. I will remember it most though for its amazing Jaws homage, which takes reference humor to a whole new level (look it up; it’s very NSFW).

4. Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001)

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back is kind of a mess, albeit an incredibly amusing and funny mess. It takes meta to an insane level, where actors play characters, and then those actors play themselves. I’m pretty sure Jason Lee plays at least three different people in this. It tip toes the line of being too self-indulgent, and only sometimes steps off course. jay and Silent Bob Strike Back was Kevin Smith’s acknowledgment that he was mainstream now, but still not above making fun of himself.

3. Dogma (1999)

Dogma is one of those movies that was always on during my childhood for one reason or another. Comedy Central used to show it every day. Hell, they even showed it to us in Hebrew school. It’s a great little religious parable and a rare opportunity to see Alan Rickman play an angel. Dogma proved that Kevin Smith could explore the meaning of life all while throwing in a few castration jokes along the way.

2. Clerks (1994)

Where it all began. Clerks was made with a microbudget and a loose plot that managed to change independent film forever. Even with some of the dated qualities (eventually, nobody will know what a video store was), Clerks  holds up incredibly well. Smith was once much less broad than he would later become, and Clerks somehow spoke to a whole generation. This is a conversation heavy film that is never boring. One conversation about Star Wars sticks out to me. Remember, this was a time when it wasn’t cool to love Star Wars. Sure, he has strayed a lot, but Clerks shows why Kevin Smith was once so groundbreaking. Kevin Smith inspired people by showing that any slacker could pick up a camera. The unique part about Kevin Smith, though, is that he isn’t just any slacker.

1. Mallrats (1995)

Smith’s follow up to Clerks was panned by critics and a bomb at the box office, but it rightfully found a cult following years later. Here is a film that is basically about nothing but also about two idiots trying to sabotage a game show. Mallrats is the best sampling of Kevin Smith’s worldview: a world where pop culture obsessives who do absolutely nothing get to be the heroes. Plus, it contains an important cameo by Stan Lee as well as my favorite Ben Affleck performance to date. It’s a perfect crossroads between high low brow (a debate about whether Superman could get Lois Lane pregnant) and low low brow (two words: stink palm).

Help! I’m stuck in a bad Kevin Smith movie! Image via Bloody Disgusting

Oh Kevin Smith, why hath thou foresaken us?

Tusk, the latest Kevin Smith joint, has received a lot of hype both for its weird premise and the weird way in which the story was first conceived. Like the scientific experiment seen onscreen, Tusk is equal parts bizarre and inexplicable. But most of all, it never justifies its reason for existence.

The idea for Tusk was spurred by an episode of Smith’s podcast. So of course, Tusk centers around a pair of podcasters who host a podcast called the Not-See Podcast. Say it out loud. That’s the only running joke this film is able to provide. What nobody told Kevin Smith is that if you have a running joke, you have to vary it a little bit. Yeah, Not-See sounds like Nazi. I didn’t get it the first ten times.

Anyway, Justin Long and Haley Joel Osmont play a pair of mismatched podcasters named Wallace Bryton and Teddy Craft. They host what I presume is the morning drive equivalent of podcasts. The two of them mainly enjoy making fun of people who make fools of themselves on the Internet. One of them is a Canadian boy who accidentally cuts his own leg off while trying to reenact Kill Bill. Wallace makes a trip up to Manitoba to interview him.

Here is Tusk‘s first big red flag: this movie tries to crate a despicable lead character. That is fine, as movies that have a-holes as main characters can be great. However, Tusk keeps telling us that Wallace is a big meanie, yet it never really convinces us as to why. Making fun of people on YouTube is what Daniel Tosh gets paid millions for. And we all know that if you’re rich, then you’re automatically a good person.

A lot of bad things happen to Wallace in Tusk, and it seems like Kevin Smith wants you to believe that he had this coming. But where is the build up. One second, Wallace is in cushy LA recording studio. And the next, he is deep in the Canadian woods with a deranged mad man (Michael Parks) who wants to turn him into a walrus. But the movie never takes anytime to explore his Los Angeles relationships. Sure, a few flashbacks are clumsily incorporated. However, those moments could have been strung together to make a solid first act that would have served as the film’s emotional backbone.

Changes like that could have been made if there had been a rewrite. Now, I have no proof that Kevin Smith didn’t rewrite Tusk, but I have a strong suspicion that he didn’t even bother. Tusk started off as a story Smith and his co-host made up in a podcast episode. I wish it stayed that way. I feel like a lot of the story might have actually worked if it just remained in podcast form. Once you see the actual walrus creation, it is hard to know if you should be frightened or amused. Tusk lingers between horror and comedy. It can never quite decide which one it wants to be. It could have been both, but it doesn’t even want to do that, either. Hey man, whatever will get you that paycheck fastest.

Being so harsh on Kevin Smith, because I am a huge fan. Well, at least I am a huge fan of the Kevin Smith who made Clerks, Mallrats, and Dogma. Being a cinephile at age 12 and then getting to see Clerks is like a revelation. But everything that made him so cool in the 90s seems to have vanished. I hate to say that he’s gone too mainstream, but he has gone from writing politically charged monologues about the Death Star to actually getting to visit the set of Star Wars. In Tusk, Johnny Depp (oh yeah, he’s in it) mentions The Big Lebowski one time and we are all expected to magically applaud. Oh cool, you’ve heard of a movie that we have also heard of! How relatable! With a few Degrassi references to boot, Tusk is a parody of a Kevin Smith film written by somebody who also has a thing for walrus erotica.

While others seem to be rooting for its downfall, I really wanted to like Tusk. I was hoping a guy who helped pave the way for podcasts everywhere might have something insightful to say about it. Instead, Tusk is lost miles up Kevin Smith’s own self-referential ass, in search of an editor.

Brain Farts From The Edge

• When Waterworld came out, many people referred to it as “Kevin’s Gate” and “Fishtar,” as a way to mock what a big flop it was. Both those nicknames could apply to Tusk. For now, let’s just assume that a walrus is a type of fish.
• Kevin Smith is one of those directors who draws a lot of strong feelings out of people, whether positive or negative. He’s like Wes Anderson in jorts!
• Tusk could be used as propaganda for anti-Marijuana legalization.
• Canada jokes were always a big part of the View Askewniverse. But like I said, this is a parody of a Kevin Smith film. We get it, they like maple syrup and hockey. Smith seems like he’s ten years behind; How I Met Your Mother owns the market on Canada jokes. And it’s not even on the air anymore.
• Haley Joel Osment. He’s still alive.
• Michael Parks. Let’s give him some credit here. An amazing actor who deserves mainstream recognition.
• Part of me just the film stayed in LA and was just a meandering look at the lives of podcasters. As somebody who has forayed into that world, I would have found that much more relatable. If somebody pitched to me “Mallrats but with podcasters,” I would buy it on the spot.
• “BM in the PM’s coffee.” Okay, that line got me.
• I can’t knock Kevin Smith for his ambition. There is an interesting idea in here. “What makes man? What makes walrus?” Maybe Smith should have thought a little more before asking everyone on Twitter if he should make a movie. #WalrusNo