According to scientists, about 95% of the world’s ocean remains unexplored. One could say the same about eBay.

Today is a day that will live in infamy. It is the day that the Velociraptor Cage from “Jurassic Park,” which influenced this post, was no longer listed on eBay. It’s whereabouts, and the final price it was sold for, will remain shrouded in history.

But you know what they say: if you love something set it free. So from that we move on to this week’s selection of memorabilia. Folks, this week did not disappoint. In fact, I found so many that I will have to save them for another post.

I learned a lot from this week’s selection. Mainly that there are a lot of “Titanic” props on eBay. Enough so that being a “Titanic Prop Dealer” (as seen in the certificate above) is an actual job title that someone can have. Given what an epic film that is, I believe there will be no shortage of props until the day somebody finally begins selling off chunks of the actual boat. Seriously, the “Titanic” prop business is just about big enough that it could be listed on the NASDAQ. Also, let me just note that I have absolutely no idea what can get you listed on the NASDAQ; I just heard Walter White say this on “Breaking Bad” once and it sounded cool.

Anyway, come and join me for yet another exciting trip down the eBay rabbit hole:

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

Yes, I checked, and no, it does not come with a life-size naked Mike Myers replica.

Capote

Apparently, the acceptable amount of time to wait to profit off the death of another human being is one week.

Deep Blue Sea

No thank you. I’ll just watch this on loop. 

Jingle All the Way

This is consumerism at its finest: a fake toy in a movie launches comic books and costumes. And then you can buy all of that stuff in real life. What I am really trying to say is I love that scene where Arnold says “nice doggie” to a reindeer before he punches it in the face.

Magnolia

This would make a great addition to your collection of plague toys that you bring out during that part of the Passover Seder. And yes, I am aware that only about three people understand what I am talking about.

Manhattan

I have no intention on giving my opinion about the Woody Allen molestation scandal. I wish they would just resolve the rest of it privately, because a lot of innocent people have gotten hurt from it. Anyway, I am just glad that they didn’t sell this as “a special item that was touched by an accused child molester!”

 The Terminator

This is really cool and all. It comes from a classic and it replicates a piece of technology that doesn’t really exist anymore. But if you want me to buy your product, you might want to spell the name of the film correctly. Unless of course, there is a low budget Norwegian knockoff called “Terminater.” And if such a film exists, I should probably drop everything and watch it right now.

Titanic

“Happy Valentine’s Day! I took out a second mortgage to pay for your gift!”

Total Recall

Question: Does it or does it not come with the alien with three boobs? This is an important question.

The Wolf of Wall Street

I was distracted enough by the insanity (boobs, orgies, cocaine, more cocaine) of “The Wolf of Wall Street” that it didn’t even occur to me to pay close attention to the set design. Based on this painting, brokers have really terrible taste in art. This looks more like something a freshman girl would probably hang up in her dorm room.

Maybe it is just me, but the Oscars are taking place kind of late this year. While the ceremony usually happens in late February, this year it is being held the first weekend of March.

Okay, so it is only about a week later than usual, but that one week makes a slightly big difference. I have a feeling that it has something to do with the Olympics (thanks for that one, Putin). What that really means is that there has been this multi-week period since the nominations were announced that the Oscars have been barely in the news, except for the occasional precursor awards. Don’t worry though, in about two weeks, the Oscar hype will come back in full force.

At that point, it will be time to get serious with the nominations. Now, it is time to have some fun with them, and I mean “fun” in a very loose way. There is nothing fun about snubbing “Inside Llewyn Davis.” Anyway, voters always have the tendency to get it wrong in at least a few of the categories. While I am not a voter, I have a movie blog so I can just pretend I’m voting anyway. I love technology.

If the world were actually a right and just place, here is who and what would win in the top Oscar categories this year:

Best Picture: Her

As every die hard fan of “Her” (“Her”-heads? “Her”-galos? I’m working on it) knows, “Her” has little to no chance of winning Best Picture. It’s ambitions are far ahead of its time. It has both all of and none of the characteristics of a Best Picture winner. It is an epic love story between two unlikely forces. But it also has Kristen Wiig yelling “choke me with the dead cat!” in a sexual manner. And it is just as funny as it sounds. “Her” is so perfect for the time we live in now and for years to come that it will take many people a while to catch up with its message. It might not be remembered in history as a Best Picture winner, but it will be remembered as a Best Picture also-ran, which happens to be a pretty good place to be in (see: “Citizen Kane,” “Taxi Driver,” “Pulp Fiction,” and a never-ending etc).

Best Director: Martin Scorsese (The Wolf of Wall Street)

At this point, it is just common knowledge that Scorsese is one of the greatest directors of all time. However, I almost forgot why this was true until I saw “The Wolf of Wall Street,” a film that he directed the hell out of. His manic style where absolutely nothing is held back fits flawlessly with this story of excess. I am convinced that nobody else could have thought of placing that incredible Popeye joke into the now legendary quaalude scene. Some directors have a very distinct style, but the reason people may get tired of it so quickly is because they never take a break from it (looking at you, Tim Burton). Scorsese is different. In the past decade, he has only done two films in his signature style (“Wolf” and “The Departed”) and in between those two he made a psychological thriller (“Shutter Island”) and a 3D family adventure (“Hugo”). Scorsese understands that using your magic tricks sparingly is what makes them work even better.

Best Actor: Leonardo DiCaprio (The Wolf of Wall Street)

We are coming closer and closer to the day where Leo wins a sympathy Oscar. He’s been around for so long that he’s not even 40 yet and it already feels like he’s long overdue for a win. If Leo does win this year, it would definitely be earned. With “Wolf,” DiCaprio replaced his last career-defining performance in a long career of career-defining performances. As Jordan Belfort, Leo is dark and complex, but he also shows a comedic side that I didn’t even know he had in him. Besides his incredible physical comedy in the quaalude scene, there are some smaller moments in the film that deserve acknowledgement. Take for instance one scene where he describes the prostitutes that come into Stratton Oakmont. It is so difficult for him to even contain his excitement just by talking about them that he has to bite down on his fist, ever so slightly. It is a subtle gesture that gets funnier every time and shows what an out-of-control monster Jordan Belfort was.* A win for Leo in “The Wolf of Wall Street” would also be a much needed win for comedy at the Oscars.

Best Actress: Cate Blanchett (Blue Jasmine)

“Blue Jasmine” forces you to have a conversation with that crazy person you see in the park. With an ongoing Kubrick Stare, Cate Blanchett is frightening in the best way possible, as she uses basically anything she can to connect with anybody who will listen to her. That usually includes talking to herself. As the titular Jasmine, Blanchett adds a thrilling unpredictability to her role. Watching Jasmine is like watching an emotionally unstable child: you never know when she is going to snap. It is this part of Blanchett’s performance that ends up being so heartbreaking, because nobody knows less about what is going to happen to Jasmine than Jasmine herself.

Best Supporting Actor: Jonah Hill (The Wolf of Wall Street)

Jonah Hill’s performance as Donnie Azoff was one of the most fun to watch last year. Instead of becoming one of those funny actors who leaves it all behind to become serious, Hill instead brought “Superbad” to Stratton Oakmont. And he is so game for this. Hill will not walk home with gold, but he should be honored to have been nominated for a performance that involved eating a goldfish and masturbating in a public setting. Now that is something we may never see at the Oscars again.

Best Supporting Actress: June Squibb (Nebraska)

While watching Will Forte and Bruce Dern bond together is great, “Nebraska” doesn’t truly pick up steam until June Squibb gets off the bus and yells at everyone and everything that she can. Squibb absolutely steals the show. You’ll laugh with delight when she flashes a tombstone and get up and cheer when she yells “go fuck yourself.” I did just that on both occasions. The greatest trick about her performance is how much of a 180 she pulls on us. At first, Kate Grant is an annoying and fussy old lady. But when she defends her husband, she becomes the loud, proud heart of the film. “Nebraska” is about a lot of people who can’t express their emotions. Without Squibb, the marriage of Woody and Kate Grant wouldn’t have felt as real as it did.

Best Original Screenplay: Her

“Her” is a film that is filled with balancing acts and tight rope walks. Spike Jonze was tasked with making something funny that didn’t mock the subject, and at that he succeeded with flying colors. The fact that Scarlett Johansson was merely a voice in a box of wires seems irrelevant by the end. The job of any great writer is to bring humanity to anything that they can, and Jonze did that better than almost any writer this year. Jonze also creates a future that is so plausible because it isn’t overbearing; it feels like pieces of both past and present accumulating to a world where comfort and convenience mask the lack of human emotion. A lot of people will try and write films that are similar to “Her,” but very few of them will do it as well as Spike Jonze did.

Best Adapted Screenplay: 12 Years a Slave

I have not read Solomon Northup’s “12 Years a Slave,” but it seems like it would have been a real challenge to adapt to the big screen. It is based on a true story where the ultimate outcome is still unclear. Yet, John Ridley still makes something clear and substantive out of it. This film deserves credit both for serving as an alternative to what you learned in history class, and most of all for being one of the most powerful and important films of the last few years. It takes a brutal subject and makes you think about it. Even if it does suffer from a tinge of White Messiah Complex, “12 Years a Slave” usually does not take the easy way out. It pulls off one of the most difficult endings possible: everything is back to the way it used to be, but the scars of the past, and the passage of time, means that nothing will ever be completely back to normal. Hey, I never said this was a happy film.

*For the record, I still think Jordan Belfort is a real life Ari Gold.

Image via Film School Rejects

Note: I wish I thought of this headline last year when “Silver Linings Playbook” was nominated. Better late than never?

On the morning that the Oscar nominations are announced, Hollywood must look a lot like the opening of “The Lion King.” The sun rises, and every animal out there (or in this case, actors, agents, managers, etc.) put aside their differences and march down to Pride Rock (or in this case, a stage) to hear who will could be crowned as the next rulers of Hollywood.

The circle of life is naturally repetitive, and every year consists of equal parts happiness and outrage over the nominations. For every nomination that voters get right, there’s about three they get wrong. For instance, I could write an entire article about the egregious snubbing of “Inside Llewyn Davis.” But I’ll save that for later, as it is worth staying positive and acknowledging when the establishment honors the right people and films. Credit where credit is due, here is where the Academy got it right this year:

Alfonso Cuaron (Gravity)

It’s about time that this visual mastermind got nominated for Best Director. His groundbreaking use of long takes in everything from “Y Tu Mama Tambien” to “Children of Men” were just a taste for the breathtaking scope of “Gravity.” It’s not often that a sci-fi blockbuster gets nominated for Best Picture. Under the care of Cuaron, “Gravity” showed the existential dread of the vast emptiness of space like few others before him ever had.

Annapurna Pictures/Megan Ellison

This year, Megan Ellison became only the fourth person in Oscar history to produce two films nominated for Best Picture in the same year. This year, she is up for both “American Hustle” and “Her.” Some of her past features include “Killing Them Softly,” “The Master,” and “Zero Dark Thirty.” Ellison’s success in the Oscars this year shows that her model of taking on risky projects that others won’t touch is really paying off. Good taste goes a long way.

The Hunt

Once it made it to American soil, “The Hunt” quietly came and went. Hopefully, this nomination will bring it back into the spotlight. Regardless, of whether or not it wins, “The Hunt” is something to be seen and remembered. It’s the kind of drama that would have trouble getting made in America, because it goes to every dark place you don’t want it to go to, and it is both enthralling and terrifying to watch. As Lucas, a man falsely accused of molesting a child, Mads Mikkelsen invites you to watch his life be completely destroyed with him. It was a performance that has sadly been snubbed all around. “The Hunt” is a painful experience, but no matter how unhappy it turns out to be, it feels like a reward to have made it out unscathed.

Jonah Hill (The Wolf of Wall Street)

When most comedic actors and actresses decide to take on a “serious” role, they usually pick a part that is the complete opposite of anything they have done in the past. However, Hill used all of the comedic strengths he displayed in “Knocked Up” and “Superbad” to fantastic effect in “The Wolf of Wall Street.” Hill seems to have a natural chemistry with just about everyone he is on screen with, and one of the many skills of a great actor is to make everyone they are working with look better. Jonah Hill is now a two time Oscar nominee, but let’s not forget where it all began:

Bruno Delbonnel (Inside Llewyn Davis)

Because my favorite film of the year was snubbed in every major category, it is best to appreciate what little was given to it. Bruno Delbonnel’s bleak, color-drained cinematography perfectly matched the film’s mood. The film looks and feels like seasonal depression. If you’ve never experienced a winter in the Northeast, you’ll feel like you have after watching “Inside Llewyn Davis.”