Please don’t kill any of these dogs please. Image via The Guardian

I have a particular soft spot for dogs. Maybe it’s because they are so cute and lovable, or maybe it’s because unlike humans, they can never lie to you or make racist comments at Thanksgiving. It is probably because of this that watching a dog die on film can be much harder than watching a human die. I don’t know, maybe I’m a sociopath.

Along comes White God, a film in which an army of abandoned and neglected dogs join together and get revenge on mankind. Did you hear that? THERE’S A DOG ARMY. An army of dogs. White God doesn’t come out until March, but I’m already counting down the days until it comes out. It’s probably the only exciting thing coming out next year.

What, are you telling me that The Avengers: Age of Ultron is going to have anything as cool as a dog army? Get out.

Settle down, nerds! While you were still digesting your Thanksgiving meals, the first teaser for Star Wars: The Force Awakens was released in theaters and internets across the nation.

Now, I write this from the perspective of somebody who likes and appreciates Star Wars a lot, but is not a die hard fan. And let me tell you, it is a hard world to be somebody who likes, but doesn’t love, Star Wars. Most people consider Star Wars to be foremost in their cinema education. For me, franchises like Indiana Jones, James Bond, and Toy Story always impacted me more. But this is not my moment in the sun: this day is for you. I just join actively discrediting myself.

This teaser clocks in at well under two minutes, so it is nearly impossible to get any plot details out of it. And for those of you trying to craft an entire story out of this, please shut off the internet and pay attention your family. Your kids are probably starving or want to go to a water park right now or something. Anyway, it is hard to deny how undeniably cool this trailer is. With just a brief glimpse, J.J. Abrams has nailed the look of the original films, which is basically western space opera. It is nice to see that directors today are still influenced by the likes of John Ford and David Lean.

Like the trailer for Jurassic World did a few days ago, the teaser for The Force Awakens tugs hard at the nostalgia heart strings. It is beyond just seeing the Millennium Falcon again; just hearing that song stirs all kinds of excitement in me that I didn’t even know existed. The Force awakens inside all of us. It doesn’t matter how old you are or how obsessed you are with Star Wars. You can be as bitter and cynical about tentpole franchises as I am and still be excited for December 2015. I guess what I am saying is that Oscar Isaac will save America.

I knew something about this trailer looked familiar…

The trailer for Inherent Vice, the latest Paul Thomas Anderson joint, was just released. Let’s see if it meets all of the criteria on the PTA checklist:

• Southern California? Check
• Ambient score? Check
• Insanely detailed period piece details? Check
• Promise of random, brutal violence? Check

Okay, now we’re talking.

But I’m going to try and not get too ahead of myself. After all, I remember The Master. More specifically, I remember the trailer, which promised a taut thriller based on Scientology. What PTA ended up giving us wasn’t bad, but I still feel like I missed something.

My point is that trailers can be misleading so sometimes, it’s nice to view them as works of art separate from the film itself. And holy crap, does the Inherent Vice trailer deliver. It boasts three odd music choices in under three minutes, acting that is already cracking me up, and the promise of a mystery I want to be a part of. I have no idea what Inherent Vice is about, but I have already seen enough to know that I am interested. Seriously, I think it’s time that the Oscars create a category for trailers. Let’s just hope that PTA Anderson still has some movie magic up his sleeve.

Joaquin Phoenix is an underrated national treasure. Is it just me, or did anyone see shades of John Belushi in Phoenix here? Is it too late to cast him in the Belushi biopic?

The trailer for Are You Here is under three minutes, and yet I can still spot two Don Draperisms in it (“you were the squeaky wheel, so you got all the oil!” “the best way to get the soda out of the bottle is to shake it, and shake it, and shake it!”). Yet, the trailer looks something between “alright” and “pretty good.” It also feels like it is concealing a lot of information: they want people to come and see all of these funny people, yet they are in what I assume is a much more serious film than the trailer makes it out to be. So what we get is a slightly watered down version of dramedy.

Yet, I will still see this. Partly because Matthew Weiner’s track record is fairly spotless, partly because Amy Poehler and Zach Galifianakis can do no wrong (even Out Cold) and partly because every possible Owen Wilson career renaissance should not be taken for granted. Watch the trailer for Are You Here below: