Things That Should Possibly Happen: A Carrie Remake

That awkward moment when someone pours pig guts all over you at prom.

New remake gets “Carrie”-d away, said the worst headline writer ever.

Hollywood doesn’t seem to understand that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. However, I’m done yelling at studio executives who probably aren’t listening, and I’m also tired of referring to every person who works in the film industry collectively as Hollywood. The idea that existing properties are more valued than original ones needs to change, but there is no way that it will ever happen overnight.

The latest remake being concocted is of “Carrie,” Brian De Palma’s twisted horror thriller. “Carrie” seems to have little justification for a remake. “Carrie” stands out to me because because nothing really exciting happens until the very end, yet the whole experience is a thrill to watch. The promised finale lasts under five minutes, yet it is as spectacular and horrifying today as it was in 1976. The slow buildup is a perfect display of Hitchcockian tension. This is a subtlety that most horror movies today are devoid of, and I fear that a modern update of “Carrie” would be substitute real scares for extra buckets of blood. And not just pig’s blood.

However, there is one saving grace to the “Carrie” remake. Chloe Moretz, better known as Hit-Girl from “Kick-Ass,” has signed to take Sissy Spacek’s place as “Carrie.” Now, Moretz is not quite Sissy Spacek yet but then again, neither was Sissy Spacek when she took this role. Moretz can play a hard-edged teen, but can she bring Spacek’s creepiness and vulnerability back? Also, the movie will be directed by Kimberly Peirce, who directed “Boys Don’t Cry.” I have yet to see “Boys Don’t Cry,” but some extra female perspective for this story could be interesting.

Either way, I’m standing by the original. And unless Peirce really screws up, there is no way this could be as bad as the Broadway musical. Discounting the fact that this story should never be a musical, it was apparently terrible.

Read more about the remake here.