At this point, saying that the Golden Globes are pointless is about as original as saying that M. Night Shyamalan is a crappy director. The awards don’t mean anything, but on the bright side, you get to watch really famous people get drunk and congratulate themselves. Really though, the only reason to stick around is to watch Tina Fey and Amy Poehler host for the second year in a row. At this point, they basically have a residency that won’t get old as quickly as the one Billy Joel has at Madison Square Garden.
I like to write about movies, so that gives me an obligation to write about the awards, too. It is easy to immediately dismiss the Globes because they once nominated “The Tourist” For Best Comedy/Musical. But just remember that the Oscars once gave “The King’s Speech” Best Picture instead of “The Social Network.” The Golden Globes are a nice, light appetizer to the big feast. But enough with food metaphors. Here are my predictions for Sunday’s show, which I will present without any explanation because the Golden Globes deserve no further intellectual thought:
Note: In case it is not clear, whatever is in bold represents my prediction for the winner of whichever given category.
Captain Phillips
Gravity
Philomena
Rush
Her
Inside Lleweyn Davis
Nebraska
The Wolf of Wall Street
Paul Greengrass, Captain Phillips
Steve McQueen, 12 Years a Slave
Alexander Payne, Nebraska
David O. Russell, American Hustle
Sandra Bullock, Gravity
Judi Dench, Philomena
Emma Thompson, Saving Mr. Banks
Kate Winslet, Labor Day
Idris Elba, Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom
Tom Hanks, Captain Phillips
Matthew McConaughey, Dallas Buyer’s Club
Robert Redford, All Is Lost
Bruce Dern, Nebraska
Leonardo Di Caprio, The Wolf of Wall Street
Oscar Isaac, Inside Llewyn Davis
Joaquin Phoenix, Her
Julie Delpy, Before Midnight
Greta Gerwig, Frances Ha
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Enough Said
Meryl Streep, August: Osage County
Jennifer Lawrence, American Hustle
Lupita Nyong’o, 12 Years a Slave
Julia Roberts, August: Osage County
June Squibb, Nebraska
Daniel Bruhl, Rush
Bradley Cooper, American Hustle
Michael Fassbender, 12 Years a Slave
Jared Leto, Dallas Buyer’s Club
Bob Nelson, Nebraska
Jeff Pope/Steve Coogan, Philomena
John Ridley, 12 Years a Slave
Eric Warren Singer, David O. Russell, American Hustle
The Hunt
The Past
The Wind Rises
Despicable Me 2
Frozen
“Let It Go,” Frozen
“Ordinary Love,” Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom
“Please Mr. Kennedy,” Inside Llewyn Davis
“Sweeter Than Fiction,” One Chance
Alex Heffes, Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom
Steven Price, Gravity
John Williams, The Book Thief
Hans Zimmer, 12 Years a Slave
Modern Family
Parks and Recreation
The Big Bang Theory
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Downton Abbey
The Good Wife
House of Cards
Masters of Sex
Tatiana Maslany, Orphan Black
Taylor Schilling, Orange Is the New Black
Kerry Washington, Scandal
Robin Wright, House of Cards
Lena Dunham, Girls
Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep
Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation
Liev Schreiber, Ray Donovan
Michael Sheen, Masters of Sex
Kevin Spacey, House of Cards
James Spader, The Blacklist
Don Cheadle, House of Lies
Michael J. Fox, The Michael J. Fox Show
Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory
Andy Samberg, Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Behind the Candelabra
Dancing on the Edge
Top of the Lake
White Queen
Rebecca Ferguson, White Queen
Jessica Lange, American Horror Story
Helen Mirren, Phil Spector
Elisabeth Moss, Top of the Lake
Michael Douglas, Behind the Candelabra
Chiwetel Ejiofor, Dancing on the Edge
Idris Elba, Luther
Al Pacino, Phil Spector
Janet McTeer, White Queen
Hayden Panettiere, Nashville
Monica Potter, Parenthood
Sofia Vergara, Modern Family
Rob Lowe, Behind the Candelabra
Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad
Corey Stoll, House of Cards
Jon Voight, Ray Donovan