“Does Lorelei Linklater look bored?” “No she’s not bored…that’s just the way her face looks…” Image via Yahoo

Tonight, I saw the best of the Globes, and the worst of the Globes.

I saw some truly deserving winners. I saw some truly headscratching ones, and others that were victims to genre confusion. That is an accurate way to describe about any awards show. However, there was something weird in the air at this year’s ceremony. It probably started when the entire audience couldn’t handle a Bill Cosby joke. But most likely, it was because I felt like I was being judged the entire time by Amal Clooney, who is clearly smarter and more accomplished than I will ever be in my entire life.

I hope you have all recovered from my Pulitizer Prize winning Golden Globes Drinking Game and are ready for the highlight reel. I have decided to put the show together in a neat little package, going through the things I liked and didn’t like about the show. Overall, I don’t really know what to say about a show that leaves Whiplash and Valerie Cherish off the shortlist, but here we go:

What I Liked

Patricia Arquette What a wonderful lady. What an amazing performance in Boyhood. What a deserved win. She is what every Manic Pixie Dreamgirl should be.

George Clooney Clooney is one of the last movie stars out there, which is what people say about every movie star. Clooney received the Lifetime Achievement Award and despite the fact that he is neither dead nor in diapers, he has achieved so much. On top of his great speech was a highlight reel that showed the diverse range of roles throughout his careers. But the most important part of it all: his involvement in South Park.

Fargo It is great to see that this tremendous new show got love where the Emmys missed out. Noah Hawley’s words about kindness were by far one of the most genuine speeches of the night.

Jeffrey Tambor I still have not watched Transparent, but I cannot say enough kind words about Jeffrey Tambor. Seriously, somebody who has had as good a career as he has does not need to be this humble. He is like the kind, wise old man that you would go talk to after you had enough of your own grandparents.

The Grand Budapest Hotel So I was rooting really hard for Birdman, but The Grand Budapest Hotel is not a bad spoiler. Plus, we got to see Wes Anderson wear a crooked bowtie and then give a speech that shows that he is aware of how weird you think he is.

What I Didn’t Like

Those Entrances Winners ran up to the stage through this weird, secret passage that resembled the Aztec Tomb. The extra time it took to shoot each one of them confusedly stumbling through it is probably the main reason that the show ran long.

Politics Schmolitics Trans rights. Civil rights. Je Suis Charlie. These are all important topics that deserve exposure, and a platform like this is a perfect place for it. However, once you have Jared Leto preaching peace in Europe, then you know you have a problem. By the end of the night, the ceremony sort of felt like a smug version of “We Didn’t Start the Fire.”

The Lego Movie While I have not seen How to Train Your Dragon 2, I will stand next to The Lego Movie until I am too tired to stand and have to sit down and check my phone once more.

Terrible Chemistry Let’s stop with the random presenter pairs, which were probably made via drunken sorting hat. I never want to have to endure another moment of Jeremy Renner (a fine actor who also happens to look like a loaf of Wonder Bread) talking about JLo’s boobs. This is a real sentence I just typed.

Hollywood’s Reaction to Bill Cosby Jokes Tina & Amy had a few good lines at the expense of America’s creepiest former father figure. The lines were expectadly met with gasps and groans. Let’s not treat it like the two of them were taking a risk and going there with these jokes. It is just more proof that people who attend awards show like the Golden Globes probably have a bespectacled twentysomething check social media for them. PS Hire me!

What I Feel Indifferent About

The Affair As much as I wish that I could rip on The Affair, I have not watched it yet. I have heard some good things about it, but this might be the Brooklyn Nine-Nine of the year: honored before it really hits its stride (by the way Brooklyn Nine-Nine was snubbed this year). Even your mom is upset that The Affair won Best Drama, and it is on Showtime. Showtime is HBO for parents.

Prince Prince is great, but I guess I grew up in the wrong time so I don’t revere him like a god. Therefore, I am just as confused as I am fascinated by the fact that he can get away with getting a category name wrong (he referred to Best Song as Best Score) while making the Blue Steel face. Seriously, is his face stuck on Blue Steel?

Tina & Amy Fey and Poehler are goddesses. Sadly, this is their last year hosting the Globes. However, their lack of screen time gave me an overall meh vibe and–[gets blindfolded and wakes up in Gulag]

I nominate Julie Klausner and Billy Eichner as next year’s hosts.

Disclaimer: There is nothing wrong with celebrities getting behind political causes. Just remember, it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it and for some reason, Jared Leto seems to think he’s a modern Christ figure. Christ figures are for high school English class, Leto.

Another year, another winter, another awards show.

The Golden Globes air this Sunday and as pointless as they may be, they are one of the more entertaining awards shows to watch. All of your favorite celebrities are sitting and drinking together in the same room. After the third glass of champagne, the smiles seem a lot less forced.

So, why not pretend you’re hanging out with George Clooney and Jennifer Lawrence? I mean, you’re not; you’re probably somewhere somewhere outside Toledo with a bottle of Fleischmann’s Vodka and some Chinese food (Note: Chinese food is the perfect dinner for any awards show and also any occasion in general). Award shows are predictable, so use that to your advantage and get drunk. Without further adieu, here are the rules for the Reel Deal approved 2015 Golden Globes Drinking Game:

• Somebody thanks their manager in their speech.
• Somebody thanks their agent in their speech.
• Somebody makes a joke about Meryl Streep.
• Meryl Streep looks charming and humble, because she’s charming and humble as f**k.
• Somebody makes a joke about the Sony hacks.
• Somebody makes a joke about North Korea. Bonus drink if that joke is about North Korea now making all creative decisions in Hollywood.
• Somebody uses Boyhood to make a joke about a celebrity getting older. Bonus drink if it is at the expense of Kirk Douglas.
• Bill Murray glares at the camera when it pans to him. Bonus points if he says/does something funny and/or relatable.
• A tame Bill Cosby joke that is greeted with shock and awe.
• No more jokes about shirtless Matthew McConaughey. Only jokes about how philosophical he has become in movies, TV shows, and car commercials.
• A joke about Ben Affleck’s penis in Gone Girl.
• Peter Dinklage makes a joke about how every character on Game of Thrones dies.
• A reference to the Ice Bucket Challenge.
• Somebody wins for Selma and makes a politically charged statement.
• A bald man with a funny accent makes a dull, long-winded speech.
• The real Cheryl Strayed comes out. That, or Reese Witherspoon honors her.
• Amy Poehler and Tina Fey are charming as hell. Drink a lot.
• If The Lego Movie doesn’t win, pour out your drink and punch your nearest bartender.

I miss these guys.

Last night’s Golden Globes ceremony was filled with surprises. Frankly, a night of surprises is much better than a night where everything goes according to plan.

While a lot of talented people and deserving films and TV shows went home empty handed, it was a pure joy to see Matthew McConaughey take on his Wooderson persona while finally being awarded for his recent career renaissance. In just a few seconds, all of those years he spent in rom-com limbo were virtually forgotten.

While Tina Fey and Amy Poehler might not have been as good as they were last year (though that Clooney line from the opening monologue killed it), they are still Tina Fey and Amy Poehler so their presence alone makes me happy enough. The Globes are not as exciting as the Oscars, but it sure is fun to see Emma Thompson stand on stage barefoot while many winners actually looked genuinely surprised when their names were called.

Read below for a detailed breakdown of some of the highlights of the night. Here is what I liked, what I didn’t like, and what I still don’t have definite feelings about:

What I Liked

Leonardo DiCaprio- I was really rooting for Oscar Isaac in this category, even if he really didn’t stand a chance. However, Leo’s performance was a seriously incredible feat in so many ways. He pulled off feats of physical comedy that few skilled comedians could ever pull off as well as he did. While the Globes have no direct impact on the Oscars, they are one of the early important awards shows and often set the mood for the rest of the season. I would not be surprised if this “Leo Needs to Win an Oscar” campaign grows bigger and louder in the weeks to come.

Spike Jonze- Jonze won for “Her.” His win was a very welcome surprise. “Her” was everything a great screenplay should be: equal parts funny and sad, with a strong hint of honesty thrown into the mix. “Her” felt like it Jonze’s most personal effort yet, while it also thought up one of the most plausible portrayals of the future on film. Oh, and it is a beautiful look at love in the 21st century. Sometimes, you just have to look into the future in order to understand the present.

The Big Bang Theory- I normally don’t like to wish ill on anybody, but I tend to reserve most of my anger in life for “The Big Bang Theory.” I am glad that it didn’t win anything. While this show is an easy target, it deserves all of the scorn it gets, as it barely has a funny bone in its body. It seems weird that it keeps getting nominated for things despite the fact that the best show about nerds is “Community.” With stale one-liners and laugh track throughout, “The Big Bang Theory” seems like it belongs in a bygone era. TV has progressed so much in recent years, and “The Big Bang Theory” seems to be bringing it back into the past.

Diddy- He really is his character from “Get Him to the Greek.” Please get this guy in more comedies.

What I Didn’t Like

U2 Wins An Award- It’s about time Bono won something! I haven’t seen “Mandela” yet or heard “Ordinary Love” (note: I can already tell from the title of it alone that I will probably hate this song), so maybe my hatred for Bono is clouding my judgement. Or maybe I am just upset that “Please Mr. Kennedy” didn’t win. That was the last chance that song had, given that it is not eligible for an Oscar. Few people could ever write a song that is as cheesy as it is catchy. My feelings about the winner of this category can best be summed up by this Tweet:

American Hustle: I am not trying to put “American Hustle” down here. In a strong category, it may have been the weakest film. After a second viewing, some of the film’s weak points began to show. Mainly, it loses momentum, which makes the film feel even longer than “The Wolf of Wall Street,” despite being an hour shorter. Also, it is not fair to consider it as a comedy. It is a fun, entertaining drama. I wrote more about it in an article for PolicyMic. #shameless #self #promotion #isweariwillneverputahashtaginapostagain

Jennifer Lawrence: No offense to Mrs. Lawrence. She was great, if a little miscast, in “American Hustle.” However, the Best Supporting Actress award belonged to June Squibb for her performance as a loud, proud matriarch in “Nebraska.” The cemetary scene has been the one that most people have been talking about, and for good reason. However, her greatest moment is when she defends her husband Woody (Bruce Dern) against his entire family. It’s a moment that actually made me want to stand up and cheer.

Tatiana Maslany- No offense for Mrs. Wright, but Tataina Maslany’s performance in “Orphan Black” is unlike any on television right now. Maslany plays multiple characters, all with different personalities, who often have to talk to each other, and it is always believable. It is one of the most demanding performances I have ever seen, and Maslany always pulls it off. Luckily, “Orphan Black” is still young, and there is still time to give Tatiana Maslany every award ever.

How Do I Feel About This?

Brooklyn Nine-Nine- Much of the hatred towards “Brooklyn Nine-Nine” seems to be unfounded. It is a solid comedy that quickly recovered from a weak first few episodes, and its win for Best Comedy was a welcome surprise. In a short amount of time, the show has already created a strong sense of familiarity amongst its characters, and it includes a few standout performances, especially from Terry Crews, Stephanie Beatriz, and Andre Braugher. However, the show hasn’t even been on for a full season. “Brooklyn Nine-Nine” still needs time to progress and mature even further. It has yet to stand on the sturdy foundation that “Parks and Recreation” has spent six seasons building. It is not that “Brooklyn Nine-Nine” doesn’t deserve to win, it is just that this honor seemed a little premature. But hey, anything is better than another victory for “The Big Bang Theory.”

Woody Allen- That montage of all of his films really made me want to drop everything and have a Woody Allen marathon. However, the fact that he didn’t show up made the Cecil B. DeMille honor that he received just a little less special. Maybe it was believable in the 1970s that he wouldn’t come to Los Angeles, but Allen has now shot films in London, Paris, Rome, and San Francisco, so we know that he’s not afraid to leave New York anymore. It probably wouldn’t have been too much effort on Woody’s part if he had at least submitted a pre-taped thank you. Instead, we got a bizarre speech from Diane Keaton, wearing her “Annie Hall” outfit sans hat. Her speech was like that scene from every movie where a character tries really hard to distract the bad guy while somebody tries to stop the bomb from going off.