Another year, another winter, another awards show.
The Golden Globes air this Sunday and as pointless as they may be, they are one of the more entertaining awards shows to watch. All of your favorite celebrities are sitting and drinking together in the same room. After the third glass of champagne, the smiles seem a lot less forced.
So, why not pretend you’re hanging out with George Clooney and Jennifer Lawrence? I mean, you’re not; you’re probably somewhere somewhere outside Toledo with a bottle of Fleischmann’s Vodka and some Chinese food (Note: Chinese food is the perfect dinner for any awards show and also any occasion in general). Award shows are predictable, so use that to your advantage and get drunk. Without further adieu, here are the rules for the Reel Deal approved 2015 Golden Globes Drinking Game:
- Somebody thanks their manager in their speech.
- Somebody thanks their agent in their speech.
- Somebody makes a joke about Meryl Streep.
- Meryl Streep looks charming and humble, because she’s charming and humble as f**k.
- Somebody makes a joke about the Sony hacks.
- Somebody makes a joke about North Korea. Bonus drink if that joke is about North Korea now making all creative decisions in Hollywood.
- Somebody uses Boyhood to make a joke about a celebrity getting older. Bonus drink if it is at the expense of Kirk Douglas.
- Bill Murray glares at the camera when it pans to him. Bonus points if he says/does something funny and/or relatable.
- A tame Bill Cosby joke that is greeted with shock and awe.
- No more jokes about shirtless Matthew McConaughey. Only jokes about how philosophical he has become in movies, TV shows, and car commercials.
- A joke about Ben Affleck’s penis in Gone Girl.
- Peter Dinklage makes a joke about how every character on Game of Thrones dies.
- A reference to the Ice Bucket Challenge.
- Somebody wins for Selma and makes a politically charged statement.
- A bald man with a funny accent makes a dull, long-winded speech.
- The real Cheryl Strayed comes out. That, or Reese Witherspoon honors her.
- Amy Poehler and Tina Fey are charming as hell. Drink a lot.
- If The Lego Movie doesn’t win, pour out your drink and punch your nearest bartender.