Bow down to the almighty golden bald man!
If cinema is a religion, then the Oscars are its biggest holiday.
I mean this in the same way that sports are also like a religion, and the Super Bowl is its Christmas. If sports are the biggest religion, then cinema is a much smaller one, and one that you might have to be crazy to follow. Fittingly, movies are like Scientology. And it is ironic that the ceremony focuses on bowing down to a golden idol, given that the main participators are typically Jewish and idol worship is a no-no if you’re up to date with your Torah studies. I understand some of you are waiting to binge read it later.
Anyway, the Oscars do what any good holiday should do: distract us from the cold, dark world. Without the Oscars and all of the other precursors leading up to it, all we would have is “I, Frankenstein” and “Endless Love.”
This year, the Oscars seem to have gone somewhat under the radar. Maybe it is because they are in March this year, or maybe it is because “The Lego Movie” distracted us all with its awesomeness. Either way, the Oscars are still happening this year, and I still have thoughts on them.
This actually happens to be a very exciting year for the Oscars. The ceremony will cap off a fantastic year of film and this year, there is an edge of unpredictability to it. Could there be a tie? Could Leo finally win his first Oscar this year? Is Judi Dench the British version of Meryl Streep? Will I make more dumb religious analogies? I will try and answer some of these questions today.
Here is who I think will win this year at the Academy Awards:
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