Yearly Archives: 2014

Hey Entertainment Weekly, I Have a Few Words for You…

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Because movies were bad in other times, too. Image via EW

Entertainment Weekly is not dead yet, but looks to be slowly marching itself to its own grave.

Yesterday, Entertainment Weekly announced that it would be laying off veteran film critic Owen Gleiberman, who has been around since the magazine’s inception. This comes a year after their other longtime film critic, Lisa Schwarzbaum left, and just weeks after the publication laid off other prominent staff members, and announced a complete remodeling of their website, which would now allow for community posting.

In short, this entails that the site will now be like BuzzFeed, in that anybody can post on it. These community posters will be paid in “prestige,” instead of, you know, money.

All of this news is dangerous for anybody who actually plans to make a living writing about film, television, music, and books. Time to pull out our sharpest hyperbolic knives!

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Movie Review: Bad Words

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Michael Bluth is threatening me! Image via Apple Trailers

What can I say? I have a soft spot for adults cursing at little kids, and those kids cursing right back at them.

Bad Words is the story of Guy Trilby (Jason Bateman), a 40-year-old loser who uses a loophole to compete in a national spelling bee. Guy Trilby is about as unlikable a person as possible. He has no ambition, curses to no end, and is mean to both women and children alike. But Jason Bateman is such an awesome dude in general that he almost dares you to like Trilby.

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Ranking the Films of Darren Aronofsky

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Darren Aronfosky: Clearly proud to be from Brooklyn. Image via Zimbio

Ever since I was first urged by a friend to see Pi at the ripe age of 13, Darren Aronofsky has been one of my favorite modern directors.

With each film he makes, Aronofsky explores bodily mutilation, addiction, and obsession in nearly all of his works. While each film is thematically similar, he breaks enough new ground with every film he makes that it feels new each time.

Even when he is not involved in every aspect, Aronofsky still feels like the auteur. Also, you can thank him for allowing us to imagine Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis making out at will now.

I decided to put up his latest effort, Noah (which cleaned up at the box office this weekend), with the rest of his filmography. Here is how I would rank every Darren Aronofsky film (from worst to best):

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Movie Review: Noah

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Russell Crowe as NoahI thought Noah would be the kind of film that gets a love-it-or-hate-it reaction. Instead, Noah tells us to take back all of our preconceived notions. It is big and insane like any Biblical story is, and boy is it proud of it.

Noah is the sixth film by Darren Aronofsky. If he can turn this into a big hit, then he will be granted virtually all of the creative freedom he wants for a very long time. In a lot of the Noah reviews, I have seen words like “impersonal” pop up. Noah might not be a beautiful character study like The Wrestler, but that does not mean that it is any further away from Aronofsky’s heart. After all, he has been dreaming about making this film since he wrote a poem about it in grade school.

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Movie Review: Muppets Most Wanted

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“Hey Kermit! Did you know that there is no God and the Bible is a lie?” Image via YouTube

Like any good Muppets movie should do, Muppets Most Wanted begins by announcing what it is to the world. “We’re a sequel, dammit, so like us or don’t like us!” But it’s the Muppets, and the Muppets are impossible to hate. If you were looking for a Muppet movie that is equal parts charming, funny, and chaotic, then Muppets Most Wanted will give you everything that you are looking for.

Muppets Most Wanted picks up almost directly where the last movie left off, with the Muppets reunited and famous once again, but this time without the help of Jason Segel or Amy Adams. Celebrity cameo numero uno is Ricky Gervais as Dominic Badguy, which is French for “good man,” as their new manager. Celebrity cameos in any given Muppets movie are always exciting. I wait for the cameo like people wait for the scary moments in a horror movie.

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Movie Review: Nymphomaniac

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Nymphomaniac 04 photo by Christian Geisnaes“I’m sorry your stepmother is a nympho.”

-Jeffrey “The Dude” Lebowski

Nymphomaniac, also known as 2001: A Sex Odyssey, is Lars von Trier’s ambitious sex epic. Yes, this film is about sex. And there is a lot of it and it is about as graphic as you could imagine.

Nymphomaniac once pushed well beyond the five hour mark. Then, it was split in half and cut a little more for both time and explicitness. I am not sure if the version I saw is butchered or exactly what Lars von Trier wanted within the limitations of reality.

There has been a lot of debate about how to review this film. Some say that it is okay to review both parts as separate films, while others think that both parts of Nymphomaniac must be reviewed as one. At first, I thought it would be fine to review both parts separately. But then, I watched them both and realized that while they were different in some ways, one half could not function without the other. Sure, Kill Bill could do it. However, the difference between Nymphomaniac and Kill Bill is that the ending of volume one of Nymphomaniac does not feel like a free-standing conclusion; it feels like a story that is approaching a midpoint. This saga can be seen in two parts, but it was probably not made with that possibility in mind.

However, middle ground is my middle name, and I would like to try both approaches of reviewing Nymphomaniac. Brace yourselves for my review of Nymphomaniac, a review written in three parts:

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Exploring the Movie Posters of London and Paris

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divergenteFor about as far back as I can remember, I have always been obsessed with movie posters.

The best posters can be works of art. The worst can completely change how you feel about the film it is representing, even if you haven’t seen that film yet.

I decided to spend a part of my recent trip to Europe looking around at whatever movie posters they had hanging in public places. The truth is, no matter what language they are in, the posters on both sides of the pond are fairly similar. The most interesting part is trying to figure out why some titles changed, and what local posters tell you about that culture.

Look below for the highlights of the movie posters I found while exploring London and Paris:

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In Theory: If Other Directors Got to Remake Disney Classics

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hipsterariel2In Theory is a feature in which I make up theoretical projects and try to develop them. 

Yesterday came with news that is either great or terrible, depending on who you are: Sofia Coppola will direct a live action version of The Little Mermaid.

At this point, the gritty reboots that Hollywood has been putting out in this post-Dark Knight era are starting to wear thin. Just because characters are moody, that does not mean a film is good. We are all looking at you, Snow White and the Huntsman.

The news that Sofia Coppola is at the helm is good news, given that she actually cares about important things like writing and directing. This will be a big test for her, as it will be her first major blockbuster effort as a director. I am hoping that Ariel will be played by Scarlett Johansson. Meanwhile, Eric will be played by an equally talented actor who will whisper something in her ear at the end. The fact that we can’t hear it is the point. So stop trying to figure it out, Internet!

Anyway, this all made me wonder what other directors would do if they were given a classic Disney property, a lot of money, and the maximum amount of creative freedom allowed by Mickey Mouse.

This week, I put myself in the shoes of an executive who can’t afford to screw another project up. Here is my list of hypothetical animated Disney reboots, and the directors who would bring them to life:

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In Theory: Casting Wes Anderson’s Future Movies

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wesandersonowenwilsonIn Theory is a new feature in which I make up theoretical projects and try to develop them.

Not just anybody can star in a Wes Anderson joint.

Wes Anderson is perhaps best known for the incredibly detailed worlds that he designs. He is like a science fiction artist who is more interested in people than outer space. His characters are just as intricate and unique as the houses, ships, trains, and hotels that he puts them in.

Throughout his career, Anderson has assembled some of the best ensembles ever seen on film. Without Wes Anderson, we would never have been able to see Jason Schwartzman try and kill Bill Murray with a tree. Wes Anderson is good with actors, and actors are even better when they star in one of his films.

There are certain people who you see, and they just look like they belong in a Wes Anderson film. It might be because of their public personas, their looks, or their general attitudes. Being a Wes Anderson actor requires you to be as goofy as a cartoon, but then have the ability to get serious at a moment’s notice.

Today, I decided to step into the shoes of a casting director. Here is a short list of the actors and actresses who Wes Anderson should put into his films in the future:

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In-Flight Entertainment: Ranking the Films Available on Your Next Flight

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frozenadeledazeemMaybe it’s recirculated air or the claustrophobia, but a movie that is good on an airplane is not necessarily good everywhere else.

That is what I am here for.

In this new feature, I will offer brief reviews on whatever films I watched on recent flights and decide whether it is good on a plane, better in real life, or both. Will it distract you from the snoring stranger to your right? Can noise canceling headphones do it justice?

On two long flights in which I had to cross the Atlantic Ocean, I watched Enough Said, Frozen, The Counselor, and Inside Llewyn Davis. Here is what you should or should not watch en route to your next destination:

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