Category Archives: AMC

Analog This: Breaking Bad- Goodbye, Mr. Blue

This is a recap of episode 16 of season 5 of “Breaking Bad.” The episode is “Felina.” IT’S THE FINALE. 

Well.

Well, well, well then. That’s all I can think of saying at first. There’s a lot to say. 

First of all, this definitely isn’t the ending you expected. Nearly every prediction made by the Internet was wrong, proving that Reddit can’t write a TV show. Or at least not one as good as this. 

Continued After the Jump



“Breaking Bad” was a show that constantly built up upon itself and changed. The final episodes of “Breaking Bad” did not resemble anything seen in season one. However, the series finale, entitled “Felina,” combined the best of the early years of “Breaking Bad” with the best of the later years. 

Right after the main title credits had rolled, Walt had already gone from New Hampshire to New Mexico. It was wise not to show his whole trip, as that could have been an entire season of a completely different show. This current Walt is hard to define. All I know is that he definitely stole Lindsay Weir’s jacket. Anyway, this was the end of silent rage Walt from “Granite State” and the return of the man who takes action. 


Much of this episode was about emotional catharsis. The tense yet surprisingly funny showdown between Walt, Gretchen and Elliot was the light patch this show needed after weeks of tragedy. Elliot and Gretchen’s house is a paradise for people with too much money to spend. At first, they’re too distracted with their gadgets and small talk to realize that Walt has broken into their house and is standing just a few feet away from them. Perhaps this is the “The Good, the Bad and the Ugly” Mexican standoff that was alluded to weeks ago. However, this showdown ends in a much less violent fashion. Walt gives them a sizable chunk of his fortune, and asks them to give it to Flynn once he turns 18. Gretchen and Elliot, who seem so shocked to be alive the entire time, accept Walt’s money. Last week, it seemed like Walt was returning to kill them for shaming him on Charlie Rose. But this week saw the return of a more level headed Walt. Instead, Walt got his revenge through fake snipers. Badger and Skinny Pete, the show’s best dynamic duo since season one, also showed the show’s overall view on humanity: you can make a person drop their moral code in an instant as long as you offer them enough money. Goodbye, you goofy Greek Chorus.

While “Breaking Bad” usually saves its flashbacks and flash forwards for beginnings and endings of episodes, “Felina” decided to plop a few right in the middle. One showed Jesse woodworking. The good thing about this week’s marathon on AMC was that it reminded me about Jesse’s past woodworking love. Then cut back to the present day, where prisoner Jesse looks like a mix between Jean Valjean and Viggo Mortensen in “The Road.” Following that, another flashback shows the fateful day that Hank asked Walt to come along with him to bust a meth lab. If only Walt had just said no to Hank. Throughout its five seasons, “Breaking Bad” liked to show that most of the bad things that happened to its characters were partly their own faults. Even a good guy like Hank wasn’t safe. No one was safe in this universe, any bullet could ricochet at any moment.  

The most exciting part of this finale is that it brought back genius Walt, who has been missing for a long time. At first, I thought Walt was still being an idiot. After all, Walt left his car in a Denny’s parking lot, went back to his own house, and then talked to his neighbor. But once he went to see Skyler, I realized that he was in the midst of a planned death wish. Skyler, shrouded in cigarette smoke, gives Walt five minutes to explain himself. After Walt gives her the coordinates for his buried money and bodies, Skyler expects to hear more lies about how this was all for his family. Instead, he finally admits that everything he did was “all for me.”  

“I’m surprised by this,” said no one.

Walt is good at a lot of things, but one of them is not being honest (and ironically, he also eventually became a pretty bad liar). It must have taken a lot for him to finally admit that the man who protects his family is driven by a lot more than love. When I heard that this show was “Mr. Chips becomes Scarface,” I assumed that meant that the main character would go out in a drug-riddled, ego-driven blaze of anti-glory. Instead, he tried to seek redemption in death, he died with his arms spread out because he wanted to die sacrificing himself for those he loved. He really wanted to convince himself of that. Maybe he could have done this if he hadn’t been so obsessed with building an empire.   


The saddest part about this episode was the moment that Walt watched Flynn return home from a distance. He could never talk to his own son again. And with that, he was off to seek revenge on the neo-Nazis. He went in with the cover of a new business deal that they weren’t buying into. While he never said this out loud, I believe Walt also wanted Jesse dead for making meth without him. However, once he saw what Jesse looked like, he realized that Jesse was a prisoner rather than a competitor. In that moment, Walt took pity on Jesse and perhaps saw a man that he knew so well, a man that he took under and raised like a son. Walt saved Jesse’s life, as he pulled the trigger on his brilliantly created trunk-gun device that brought down the entire gang. 

This scene was Jesse’s moment, and even Walt knew it. As Walt put a bullet in Uncle Jack’s head, Jesse brought down Todd in the most violent way imaginable. Once that happened, all I could feel was an immediate sigh of relief. “Breaking Bad” was always great at planting seeds, and the show was building up to that final showdown since Todd shot Drew Sharpe off of his motorcycle. 

It would have felt wrong if “Breaking Bad” concluded without a true showdown between Walt and Jesse. What was amazing about it was that they used so few words. Neither said anything about Brock or Jane. Instead, Walt hands Jesse a gun and asks Jesse to shoot him. Jesse notices that Walt has already been shot, but the real reason he lets Walt go is that he admits that he wants to die. Jesse got the same emotional catharsis out of that as the audience did from watching the neo-Nazis get mowed down. Another good name for this episode would have been “Confessions,” a title already taken by another episode this season. 


Walt and Jesse have fought on several occasions throughout the show’s run. Yet, they have always had a strong father-son relationship that perhaps neither of them could achieve with any of their real family members. I couldn’t tell if Jesse truly cared for Mr. White anymore. However, it was clear that Walt cared for Jesse. Like all of his other family members, Walt provided for Jesse even when it was a risk for him to do so. With Hank gone, Jesse is the closest thing to a hero left in this gritty world. He’s the only one who gets to leave the compound alive. With tears of joy in his eyes, he takes a car and drives right into “Need for Speed.” I don’t know if he’ll get to live the rest of his life and never get caught for his crimes. If he does, I have a feeling he’ll rescue Brock and then get a job that involves taking care of kids. He’s great at that.

After Jesse departs, Walt is left to hobble to his death. He is kept alive for a lot longer than he probably should have been for this thing called dramatic effect. The show’s final moments bring him back into a meth lab as Badfinger’s “Baby Blue” illuminates the scene. Walter White is now completely alone. His family and friends have either died or abandoned him. All he has left is his one friend, his baby, his true love: those little blue crystals. Call it an unhappy ending, but Walt got to die doing what he loved: cooking meth and tying up loose ends through murder. Some might interpret this as a hero’s death, but just remember all of the circumstances that led to this exact moment. Walt probably didn’t want to die, but he knew that he had to. He probably thought that a man who caused the death of his brother-in-law didn’t deserve to be alive. Plus, if he died in the lab, he gets to take credit for all of the meth Jesse cooked. Therefore, Jesse doesn’t get in trouble, and the Heisenberg legacy lives on. 

The ending of “Felina,” like that of such remarkable episodes before it like “Face Off,” was better than just about any movie. It was satisfying and answered a lot of questions while not struggling too hard to put a bow on every little thing. Here is a show that let its characters die memorably, but not necessarily with class or dignity. There were many faces to “Breaking Bad.” First, it was a dark comedy. Then, it was a tragedy. Then, it was a tale of karmic justice being served. 

Tonight, I was reminded why “Breaking Bad” ever began anyway. Walter White, a dying man, started cooking meth to feel alive again. In the process, he caused the death of hundreds and then himself. It is fitting that Walt was brought down by his own gun. The only man who could ever kill Walter White is Walter White.

Other “Breaking” Points

  • Not that any of them are reading this, but thank you to every single person involved in “Breaking Bad” for bringing this show into my life. “Breaking Bad” has become so big that it’s not “cool” to call this one of the best shows ever anymore. But I’ll just say it anyway because everyone knows its true. 
  • As always ladies and gentlemen…the sound of the wind. 
  • There are way too many pay phones in “Breaking Bad” for comfort. 
  • Until tonight, I almost forgot about how brilliant this show’s song choices could be.
  • I still don’t know what to call this new Walt. Post-Heisenberg? Hipster Walt? Unabomber seems fitting. 
  • I almost completely forgot about Lydia! The realization of her imminent death provided another cathartic sigh. I thought the closeup shot of her drink was just Vince Gilligan’s way of messing with us. No visual trickery this time. And a major PR blow to the Stevia industry.
  • Lesson learned Lydia: never use artificial sweeteners. 
  • Whether he’s tormenting Lydia and Todd or Gretchen and Elliot, Walt has a way of acting so nonchalant just moments before he’s about to try and completely ruin someone’s life. I think its a way to give himself control of the situation by putting his enemies’ off with his casualness. Now that is the stuff of a criminal mastermind. 
  • Todd’s ringtone is the song “Lydia the Tattooed Lady.” Points to Todd for still being creepy even after death. Points deducted from me for life for not realizing until now that Groucho Marx sings that song.
  • “It’s All Over Now, Baby Blue” would have been another good song to end the series with.
  • Meanwhile, “Blue” by Eiffel 65 would have been the worst final song choice ever.
  • On “Talking Bad” (yes, I actually watch it), Vince Gilligan said that the ending was meant to be reminiscent of “The Searchers.” If you haven’t watched “The Searchers” yet, then you really should. 
  • Some unexpectedly great comic relief: Marie can’t tell the difference between Becky and Carol. Poor Carol!
  • Also, poor Huelle. 
  • Tonight’s funniest line: “Elliot, if you wanna go that way you’re gonna need a bigger knife.” 
  • Orchestral music strangely has the power to make things more intense. 
  • Did Walt really believe that it was all about him? Had he truly convinced himself? Or was he just playing Skyler once again in a really elaborate way? I vote that admitting his selfishness was his most selfless act in ages.
  • Jokes that “Breaking Bad” is a spinoff of “Friday Night Lights” > Jokes that “Breaking Bad” is a spinoff of “Malcolm in the Middle”
  • If you want some more insight into the decisions of Walt and Jesse tonight (and also throughout the whole season), watch “In Bruges” and pay close attention to Ralph Fiennes’ very strict code of life.
  • Uncle Jack just wants to die with a cigarette in his mouth.
  • Were Todd and Lydia on a date together? Was it business? Personal? Both? 
  • Walt was wearing the same green collared shirt that he also wore in the pilot.
  • This was most likely not deliberate, but that shot of Walt’s bloody hand slipping off the metal machine made me think of “King Kong” letting go and then tumbling down the Empire State Building. In both cases, the king falls and dies because they have no choice. 
  • The Stevia shot and the final shot resemble two very famous shots in “Taxi Driver.” I don’t know if it influenced “Felina” at all, but Walter White and Travis Bickle definitely have a lot in common. They’d definitely have a pretty interesting coffee date. 
I have had an amazing time watching these episodes and getting to write about them. I am sad that it all has to end now. Thank you so much to everyone who chose to read my recaps when there are so many others out there. Just because I never want to let this show go, I will be working on a full series recap soon. For now, onto the next show. 
“You know who else cut corners in life? Walter White. You know where he is now? DEAD.” 

Analog This: Breaking Bad- Granite State of Mind

Let’s play a game: “Mad Men” or “Breaking Bad”?

This is a recap of episode 15 of season 5 of “Breaking Bad.” The episode is “Granite State.”

The more Walter White loses, the easier it is to see what is really underneath all of that rage and greed. Without his money, family, or meth empire, Walt is a lot of anger, and a lot of misguided pride. As per usual, Walt’s emotions are ruining his life.

“Granite State” is the first episode of this season to receive such a mixed reaction. But come on people, everyone should have been prepared for something nowhere near as good as “Ozymandias.” Even Vince Gilligan thinks that last week’s episode was the best one they ever did. “Granite State” is not the best episode of “Breaking Bad.” It has some odd pacing problems, and it definitely isn’t the one of a kind, gut-wrenching experience I’ve come to expect based on the past few episodes of “Breaking Bad.” This may have been a bridge episode, but it was a very important one. 

Continued After the Jump

“Granite State” is basically like the whole section of “Skyfall” where Bond goes to hang out with Albert Finney and those awesome black labs at his old home before Silva and his gang show up. The best part about a slower “Breaking Bad” this week was some much needed time to breath and reflect. Well, mostly. 

Tonight, Mr. Vacuum Man is finally revealed. He is played by Robert Forster, who you might know from “Jackie Brown” and “The Descendants.” It is an unexpected yet perfect casting choice. It turns out that Saul is also getting a new identity, leaving a huge gap in the Albuquerque market for lawyers with catchy commercials. The process for getting a new identity basically looked like getting a fake I.D., or at least the way “Freaks and Geeks” portrayed getting a fake I.D. Anyway, Saul got assigned to Nebraska. I’m going to try and assume that this isn’t subliminal advertising for Alexander Payne’s “Nebraska,” which Bob Odenkirk stars in later this year. 


While trying to avoid real prison, Walt finds himself in a prison cell under the vacuum store. Walt and Saul are forced to bunk together. This rooming assignment is temporary, and unfortunately not the setup for “Better Call Saul.” While Saul is ready to start his new life, Walt can’t stop looking back at his broken old one. Walt’s motivations are mixed, and I still feel like there’s something more he isn’t telling us. He wants revenge for Hank’s death, but he also wants to steal back all of the money he earned. Sadly, rescuing Jesse is not on his radar. Saul refuses to help and tells Walt that “it’s over.” Walt responds “it’s not over.” He tries his best to be intimidating, but he can barely finish a sentence between his cancer riddled coughs. There was a scene similar to this one in season three in which Walt was much more frightening. No matter how hard Walt tries, returning to that pure Heisenberg state will be tough.

Still, Walt tried his hardest. While isolated in his tiny, frozen, New Hampshire home, Walt brings out the old black Heisenberg hat. It’s treated like a villain putting on his disguise before terrorizing the city, but Walt is delusional enough to believe that he’s a hero putting on his mask. I’m honestly kind of surprised that this great moment wasn’t followed by Walt looking in a mirror and asking if anyone was talking to him. It’d make sense, as Walt can’t go too far, so he’s bound to go a little crazy from cabin fever. All he’s really got right now is a fireplace and a month’s worth of the Albuquerque newspaper. The only thing keeping him going is the thought of one day returning to his family. 


The New Hampshire scenes mainly serve to show just how far downhill Walt’s life has gone. Even with all of the evil, I am still convinced that Walt wants nothing but to be loved. Because he’s scared off or killed everyone who once loved him, he now has to resort to paying people $10,000 to hang out with him for just one hour. Even his wedding ring doesn’t want to stay put on his finger. But Walt, never able to let go of his past, ties it around his neck. Just like Frodo Baggins, Walt has a quest he is about to embark on. 


Back down in New Mexico, things were looking even darker. Without Walt around, Skyler was in danger with the law. The White house has become something of a local tourist attraction, so the bank took over the house and fenced it off (so bankers are the real villains here?). But of everyone, poor Jesse’s life is the worst. In some surprising craftiness, Jesse broke out of his handcuffs and nearly broke free in a doomed escape attempt. As Jesse can cook the purest meth since Heisenberg was in town, the Nazis couldn’t kill him for this. Instead, they decide to psychologically torture him, which leads to one of the most horrifying moments in the show’s history: Todd shoots Andrea right in front of Jesse. 

The one thing Walt and Jesse now have in common is that they’ve both lost everybody that they love. “Breaking Bad” didn’t necessarily need this scene. I was already convinced that Todd and family were psychos. But this will clearly lead to something important in the finale, as every little occurrence in the “Breaking Bad” universe always has a consequence.  


Heisendeer


I was most thrilled to see that this was a very important Todd episode, and one that really let Jesse Plemons chew the scenery. Todd is so desensitized towards violence that when he shoots Andrea right in the head, he tells her right before hand that it is “nothing personal.” When he watches Jesse describe his murder of the boy on the motorcycle in Jesse’s confession video, Todd smiles ever so slightly. Todd takes pride in his murders the way that Walt took so much pride in his meth. What makes Todd so scary is that he never shows any semblance of human emotion (except maybe for condescending empathy when giving Jesse ice cream). When he put on a nice shirt and pants and went to a coffee shop, he looked like he’d never really been around non-Nazi people before. To me, Todd is more like an alien who just landed on Earth and is trying to blend in by being non-distinct. 

Up in New Hampshire, Walt, as usual decided not to listen to somebody who was trying to help him. He leaves his Thoreau like cottage for the local bar. It’s a dark, sad empty bar. It’s like the bar in Nepal where Marion spends her time before Indiana comes back into her life in “Raiders of the Lost Ark,” or the bar where Ron Burgundy hangs out before the news team reassembles in “Anchorman.” Basically, it’s like any movie/TV bar where the main character waits for their imminent call to action. 

Yet, Walt doesn’t wait, because he literally makes the call. Walt’s phone call to Junior would have been more heartbreaking if Walt didn’t deserve that verbal beating from his son. A lot of darker dramas on television seem to have issues with their younger characters. Usually, they get reduced to one line or action that becomes a running joke. On “Homeland,” Chris Brody was all about his love of shiny things, and on “Breaking Bad,” all Walt Junior got was breakfast. But luckily the writers finally decided to elevate his character this season and RJ Mitte has really stepped up to the task. Luckily, the kid is smart enough to understand that getting $100,000 in the mail from a wanted man is probably a bad idea.


Todd Lydia meme Breaking Bad 5x15 Granite State
Coming Soon: Facing Backwards, a new romantic comedy!


With no motivation left, Walt turns himself into Albuquerque DEA and has himself a drink. That’s when he sees that Elliot and Gretchen Schwartz, our old friends from Gray Matter, on TV. The two of them are clearly on a PR campaign to distance themselves from Heisenberg, whose relationship with the company is making a dent in their stock values. This provides an enjoyable moment for Walt, until they basically discredit Walt from any of his contributions to their company. They basically had no choice to, but this moment burst Walt’s pride. Walt has no money, none of his empire, and now he can’t even say that he helped to start Gray Matter.

Walt’s history with Gray Matter is secretly one of the things that led to the creation of Heisenberg. The fact that his former friends basically stole all of his ideas and then cheated him out of the company is what led to his inner insecurity that made him want to build an empire. While Walt says that everything he did was for his family, he is in it just as much for his own ego. It seems like Walt wants to go back to Albuquerque and bring Gretchen and Elliot down along with the neo-Nazis, as a way to exorcise all of his demons. However, even Walt isn’t stupid enough to know that it is partly his fault that he missed out on the Gray Matter fortune. If Walt wants to spend the finale getting rid of all of his past mistakes, then the last one he might have to get rid of is himself.

Looking at “Granite State” by itself, I wish that this episode had come earlier this season. Peter Gould, who wrote and directed this episode, approached it as if he wanted to slow down a bit. However, there is only one episode left after this, so he had to keep the momentum going. Even the extended running time didn’t feel like quite enough. It would have been great if Gilligan and the crew had squeezed out a few more episodes of Walt living as a solitary mountain man. Maybe the series finale will provide us with some flashbacks. 

The series finale. Just one episode away. Now that’s weird to say.

Other “Breaking” Points

  • As Todd relives the memory of the freight train, the sound of a train can be heard behind him.
  • More wind sounds. This time in New Hampshire.
  • The scene in which Skyler hears all of the sounds and voices in her head is yet another brilliant bit of sound editing. Or mixing. I still don’t really know the difference. And I’m studying stuff like this in college.
  • There is a lot of heavy use of the color gray in this episode. The cloudy sky. The vacuum store. I should’ve known that this would have led the way to Gray Matter. 
  • Another technical/geeky note: the bar was so beautifully lit. I keep looking up images of it.
  • Saul’s luggage is blue. Maybe, like Lydia, he’s buying into the whole blue brand.
  • Saul’s afraid that he’s going to end up operating a Cinnabon in Omaha. Now that would be a great front for illegal activities. 
  • Seriously, check out Robert Forster’s Oscar nominated performance in “Jackie Brown.” If you do, you’ll also have the pleasure of watching Quentin Tarantino’s most underrated film. Also, Michael Bowen (a.k.a. Uncle Jack) is in it.
  • It’s funny how Walt has a knack for hanging out with criminals who are so professional and careful about not getting caught (Gus, Saul, Mike, Lydia) yet he never seems to learn anything from them. Todd might be the only other person who is as reckless as Walt is. Todd shoots Andrea right on her front porch. It’s like him and Walt both want to get caught, so they can take credit for their lifes’ works. 
  • Last week, Holly got kidnapped by her own father. This week, a gang of Nazis broke into her room. She’s going to need some serious therapy.
  • Vacuum man gives Walt a tour of his new house. He points out the stove and fire place. “Plus, you can cook on it,” he says. Probably not the kind of stuff Walt wishes he could be cooking, though.
  • Comic relief: Vacuum man isn’t much of a film buff. His DVD collection only includes two copies of “Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium.” 
  • When someone receives chemotherapy, isn’t their hair supposed to fall out?
  • Flynn did a good job pulling off the Marty McFly look.
  • Before Walt tries to get his money back, I hope he watches this scene from “Fargo.” Unfortunately, “Breaking Bad” no longer has its “good guy” authority figure (Hank) around.
  • I almost forgot about Marie. She barely had any screen time and because of that, her story seemed kind of out of place. I’m assuming that it’ll pay off next week.
  • As I’ve said too many times before, “Breaking Bad” is about consequences. Well, it’s also about characters who think they can cheat the consequences of their actions. Lydia is always turning away from the evil in front of her, so as to act like she’s not a part of it even when she’s pulling all the strings. Lydia, I underestimated you. 
  • On that note, Walt also does something very similar. He lies not just to others, but also to himself. Here, he convinces himself that he lost all of the money he earned. In reality, he gave it all away to try to save someone that he couldn’t save. Now, by trying to get it back, he thinks he can undo the consequences of his mistake. 
Walter White Heisenberg hat gif Breaking Bad 515 Granite State Heisenberg Mode: ENGAGE! Imgur

Breaking Bad: Analog This- The Wizard of Ozymandias

This is a recap of episode 14 of season 5 of “Breaking Bad.” The episode is “Ozymandias.”

Fuck.

That would have been an apt title for tonight’s episode. And just as poetic. It was one of the last things that Hank ever said (“My name is ASAC Schrader. And you can go fuck yourself.”) and also the one thing I couldn’t stop saying over and over again throughout “Ozymandias.” I think I needed this little mantra. It reminded me of how cathartic cursing can be.

I know that I am always talking about how amazing “Breaking Bad” is every week but I feel like up to this point, I was being a tad hyperbolic. “Ozymandias” may be the show’s finest hour. If it is not the absolute best, then it was the show’s most horrifying and emotionally devastating. Appropriately, many critics are already comparing this episode to a horror movie. This episode was a horror western directed by Rian Johnson, who’s proved himself to be excellent at mixing and matching genres through the likes of “Brick” and “Looper.”


“Ozymandias” begins with a flashback to season one. Remember that season, when Jesse was still calling everyone a bitch and Walt still couldn’t figure out how to lie properly to his wife? He couldn’t even figure out whether to say “a bug” or “a stick” up his butt as he formulated his excuse for being home late from his first cook. While Walt has changed a lot since season one, I noticed a few habits that he hasn’t quite been able to shake off. For one, he still always tries to act like things are going just fine even when they are going horribly, especially when it comes to his family. Whenever Walt is around his family, it’s as if he immediately starts to believe his own lies.

Hi, can I have an Emmy please?

This flashback was absolutely perfect here, as this little plot of land has proved to be one of the most important locations in the “Breaking Bad” mythology. It is also the most haunting location as well. It will forever be known as the land where Hank Schrader died. I knew this moment was coming, but I didn’t think it would be quite this tough to get through. In the moments before his death, Hank showed off the best of his personality. He wouldn’t even sacrifice his principles as he was offered a chance to live. Meanwhile, Walt literally tried to give up everything he had for a battle he couldn’t win. Even Hank knew that Todd’s uncle had his mind made up from the start. For once, Walt found himself in a situation that he couldn’t talk his way out of, just as Hank found himself in a shootout that he couldn’t shoot his way out of.

So, Hank gets shot, the gunfire echoes, and his body is buried. And the show just moves on from there. This might be a tragic moment, but “Breaking Bad” doesn’t have time to stand around and mourn. Get used to it. Nevertheless, I was a wreck. In just a few seconds, the show completely changed course once again.

Hank’s death hit Walt the hardest. H just lay in the dirt with his mouth agape like some character out of Pac-Man (I don’t know man, it just made sense to me). Then, just as it seems like this show couldn’t gut punch us any further, Jesse looked like he was the next chicken out to roost. Found hiding under Walt’s car, Jesse looks like a dog hiding away because he knows his death is near, to bring back the rabid dog metaphor. Jesse is spared by Todd, who believes that Jesse has information that they could use. And by “information they could use” he really means “the ability to cook meth.” Todd showed off many facets of his sociopathy tonight. First, he told Walt “sorry for your loss” regarding Hank, and then he tied Jesse to a rope and made him cook meth for him. As Todd, Jesse Plemons is one of the few actors who can play both a nice teenager and a murderous psychopath, sometimes separately, and sometimes at the exact same time.

“Ozymandias” might have secretly been the final episode of “Breaking Bad,” as so many loose ends were tied up tonight. It was revealed that Walt’s fortune amounts to $80 million, but he would only be getting $11 million of that. Then, just to spite Jesse, Walt told him that he watched Jane die and did nothing. The look on Aaron Paul’s face as Walt told him that was the definition of heartbreak.

Anyone looking for pants?

This was also the first time that Junior and Holly got involved in the family business. Skyler had no choice but to tell Junior the truth, as it was the only way to get Marie back on her side. Junior obviously doesn’t take to the news too kindly, but he oddly takes out more of his anger on his mother. Poor Skyler. But then again, she’s just as evil too. In maybe the most poetic thing that Junior has ever said, he points out to Skyler that by not doing anything, she is in effect as evil as Walt. That seems to be a big theme on this show, and it even goes back to the airplane and teddy bear of season two: by not stopping something from happening, you are eventually at fault for when it does happen. Basically, it is impossible to stop most things, and it is always your fault.

Poor Junior, he’s basically messed up for life now. The kid won’t even put on his seatbelt, he doesn’t even feel like he’s safe anyway. Then, the episode piles on another devastating and violent surprise as Junior and Skyler come back to find Walt still at the house. Skyler pulls a knife on him and ends up stabbing his hand, “Shining” style. The more Walt tries to protect his family, the more he harms them. “We’re a family,” Walt says, as his last shred of dignity fades away. I thought the Bluths were TV’s most dysfunctional family, but clearly this family could use a better publicist as well.

For the rest of the episode, Walt’s actions border on the surreal and bizarre. Any of them could be interpreted as either beneficial or harmful. In the third worst thing he’s done on the show, Walt kidnaps his own daughter. This seemed like the desperate act of an extremely sad man. Holly is the blank slate and therefore the only family member left that can’t hate him. That is, until she utters “mama” right in his face. Then she says it a few more times seemingly just to rub it in. Walt then talks to Skyler on the phone, who is on the other end as a bunch of cops stand behind her and wait to track Walt’s phone. Walt then confesses every crime to her, which would seem dumb if Walt wasn’t smart enough to know that there are cops on the other line. At first, his confessions seemed like pure ego. But then, it seemed like one last attempt to save Skyler, as he takes full responsibility for all of his actions. This was pretty fantastic to see; Walt isn’t someone who usually holds himself accountable for the crimes he’s committed. He even takes responsibility for Hank’s death here. Maybe he sees himself as responsible since he couldn’t stop the murder, or because it’s a way to keep the neo-Nazis from getting any more pissed off at Walt and his family.

So Walt goes and brings Holly to a nearby fire station, where he leaves a note on her which I couldn’t read, but hopefully listed her return address. Then Walt follows the advice of the song that plays earlier that episode: “I have no place to go…guess I’ll have to roam.” So a solemn Walt is picked up at the cemetery by the man who is also known for selling vacuums. Walt’s reflection in the side mirror disappears further and further away. The Walt we have known for so many years is now gone. So is Heisenberg. What we are about to get is some kind of post-Heisenberg who is fueled by revenge.

And so ends “Ozymandias,” an episode that felt like a collection of horror shorts which built upon one another. Rarely did I think television could be this stressful until I watched this episode, but Vince Gilligan has always demanded that the audience became a part of the characters’ world in order to feel the pain of it. There are only two episodes left of “Breaking Bad.” Had it ended tonight, I would have been both baffled and satisfied. I speak for a lot of people when I say that my best guesses for the end still tell me nothing.

Other “Breaking” Points

  • Yes, the title of the episode comes from a poem. Yes, it means something. Look it up.
  • Smartly, Rian Johnson (I’ll just say him because I’m not sure who’s responsible for credits. The editor?) decided not to put the credits over the scene of Hank’s death. Instead, the credits don’t come on until at least 25 minutes into the episode (including commercials). It’s a bold move that works out well. Like “The Departed,” whose credits didn’t start until at least 18 minutes in.
  • Rian Johnson also directed the season three episode “Fly.” That was the episode where I thought Walt was on the verge to telling Jesse the truth about Jane. I guess Johnson felt he had some unfinished business. 
  • There’s a great vertigo shot in this episode.
  • Some funny things about the early flashback: The knives are visible in front of Skyler; Skyler tells Walt to pick up a pizza which may or may not end up on the roof at some point. Dipping sticks, Skyler. 
  • Usually, Hank is as good at shooting his way out of a situation as Walt is at talking his way out of one. In the show’s opening minutes, both men failed at their apparent strengths.
  • RIP Hank. Seriously. It’s amazing to see how that character went from a side character who seemed like a dumb jock to one of the show’s smartest and most intelligent character. Keep brewin’ up there, Agent Schrader. 
  • Also, RIP Gomey. Your comic relief did not go in vain. 
  • Every time Walt is in a weak position, his glasses are always sitting lower on the bridge of his nose. 
  • Marie: “Oh you know…this and that.” Sounds like Betsy Brandt is auditioning for the new “Fargo”-based TV show.
  • Now that all of the Skyler hatred from the past few years has mostly gone away, I think it’s fair to say that Anna Gunn is amazing at what she does. 
  • While in the lab, Jesse’s face looked like Gus’ when he had half of his face blown off. 
  • The image of Walt lying on the ground also reminded me of an image from “Once Upon a Time in the West.” 
  • After tonight’s episode, I’m convinced that Todd eats people. Among other things.

Analog This: Breaking Bad- Burning Down the House

This is a recap of episode 11 of season 5 of “Breaking Bad.” The episode is “Confessions.”

Not that I will actually do this, but from now on I am going to stop trying to predict every little thing that will happen on “Breaking Bad.” That’s because nobody can mess with Vince Gilligan and the gang’s sheer brilliance and intricate plotting. I don’t know how this show will end, which is why I am not a writer for “Breaking Bad.”

“Confessions” opens with a scene that isn’t addressed for the rest of the episode, but it will definitely come back to haunt everyone. It is important to note that one of the men that Todd met with also orchestrated all those prison murders at the end of last season and now he knows Walter’s name. Also, that bloody tissue he wiped his boot with probably didn’t flush all the way, as this show follows Chekhov’s Gun very closely. 


After the credits, it was back to where we left off last week. The two a-hole cops continued to taunt Jesse, in a slow motion sequence that kind of resembled the opening of “King of the Hill.” However, once Hank walks in, things gets serious. Jesse, who looks like he’s aged about 50 years in the past three episodes, is still no closer to giving Hank what he wants to hear. For now, he still seems too crushed to do anything. Suddenly Saul, who always acts like he’s saving the day, barges in and reads Jesse his rights. In the mean time, Hank is no closer to revealing the truth to the DEA. This displeases Marie, who’s mainly around this episode to tell Hank to confess to the DEA already. Meanwhile, Walt was working on a little confession of his own. 


This was an episode filled with particularly long scenes, the best of course being the restaurant scene, in which Walt, Skyler, Hank, and Marie sit down for dinner and discuss what happens next. This scene displayed everything that makes “Breaking Bad” great: uncomfortable humor, underlying tension, and breathless suspense. The scene was funny as the waiter, who was basically the annoying Chotchkie’s waiter from “Office Space,” kept offering to make them guacamole while Hank gave Walt the death stare, all to a mariachi tinged soundtrack. All of their concerns are the same yet their goals are very different. Walt slides Hank and Marie his confession CD and walks away.

And here is yet another of the show’s great twists: Walt wasn’t actually confessing, he was instead framing Hank for crimes that he never committed. This has to be one of Walt’s most evil episodes. First, he manipulates Junior with his cancer, then he threatens to ruin Hank’s life. Mr. Heisenberg can be an evil bastard without putting his finger on the trigger. What gives Walter White most of his power is the fact that he is a brilliant man. 

After watching the video, Hank finds himself in more and more of a bind. Marie reveals to him that Walt paid for his medical bills after the twins nearly left him dead. The standoff between Walt and Hank is becoming more of a stalemate by the minute. Hank would probably take some satisfaction in knowledge of the fact that Walt is also scrambling for a solution to his problems. Walt’s desperation leads him to call a meeting with Saul and Jesse in, you guessed it, the middle of the desert. While waiting, Jesse catches sight of a tarantula, perhaps the same one owned by the boy that Landry/Todd shot last season. Poor Jesse can never escape his past. 

Walt is the biggest part of Jesse’s past that he can never get away from. He is like Jesse’s own personal cancer, as he frequently comes in and out of Jesse’s life and finds any way possible to ruin it. Walt tells Jesse that he should follow Saul’s plan from season three by calling the guy who can you a new identity. Jesse has more to look forward to in life than Walt does. However, Jesse isn’t having it, and decides to finally call Walt out for his selfishness. Walt looks insulted and says he would never do that and gives Jesse a big hug. Jesse immediately breaks down crying. The beauty of this scene and this character is that at this point, it could go one way or another. Walt has always been something of a father figure to Jesse, and the fact that he hasn’t offed him yet shows that he must care about the kid. However, this episode also showed Walt lie to and emotionally manipulate his real son. It’s nearly impossible to tell now whether or not anyone is safe from Walter White. Heisenberg isn’t dead: he just comes out whenever he feels like it.


So Jesse goes along with the plan. He tells Saul he wants to move to Alaska. I have no idea why. Maybe he would move there and assume the identity of Dr. Joel Fleischman.* Or maybe he would meet up with Francis from that season of “Malcolm in the Middle” when he runs away to Alaska.** Then, while Jesse waits for the van that will take him away to the freedom of a new life, he has a sudden Jimmy Neutron brain blast that his ricin cigarette, like the dope he was carrying, was snatched away by Huell, therefore realizing that Walt played a very instrumental part in nearly killing Brock. Sure, this came somewhat out of nowhere, but I’ll give it a pass because it was a means to a pretty excellent ending.

After punching Saul multiple times in the face, Jesse rushes over to Walt’s house, gasoline in hand, and starts pouring it all over his house. We never see the house actually go up in flames and given the show’s habitual misdirection, maybe Jesse never actually gets to burn it down. After all, the flash forwards show a house that is wrecked but not burned to the ground.

Last week, we got the cathartic scene of Marie slapping Skyler in the face. This week, we get the cathartic scene of Jesse finally snapping out of his funk and taking control of his life. But this was no mere act of vengeance; this was Jesse Pinkman finally freeing himself from Walter White. One horrible chunk of his past could really become just the bad dream that Walt described to him. Maybe Jesse won’t have to go to Belize after all.

*That whole joke theory that Walter goes off into witness protection and becomes Hal from “Malcolm in the Middle” is getting kind of stale, so why not throw in another fake theory involving another TV show?
**Okay, I know what I just said. But this would be hilarious.

Other “Breaking” Points

  • This review contains a helpful timeline of the events of Jesse’s life since season four that makes his revelation plausible.
  • Can anyone find any meaning in the colors on Saul’s tie. Come on people! Ties are the key to overanalysis!
  • Speaking of Saul, his license plate says LWYRUP. Because of course.
  • Can somebody please take a clip of Jesse crying and put this audio over it?
  • The way that Marie tells Walt to go kill himself is chilling. Betsy Brandt has been on fire this season.
  • “Jesus Christ Marie.”
  • More wind sounds in this episode. 
  • One of the many documents seen on Hank’s desk: “Sexual Harassment in the Workplace.” I bet Gomie had some great jokes about this memo. 
  • Why does Saul even have a Hello Kitty phone?
  • The gun in the soda machine was covered in ice. Little details like this are one of the many reasons this show is different from any show that’s ever been on TV.
  • Wow, Vince Gilligan. I dunno. Having Walter turn away tableside guacamole makes him seem REALLY unlikable.” -Tweet from Patton Oswalt. So very true.
  • Seriously, who turns away tableside guacamole?!
  • That restaurant seemed like a Mexican version of T.G.I. Friday’s/Applebee’s/Chili’s to me. I would go to places like that more often if they actually offered tableside guacamole.
  • Okay, now I can’t stop thinking about tableside guacamole.
  • Saul has been involved with drugs, money laundering, and murder. You’d think he’d let smoking in his office go.
  • “I’m so upset that Lydia wasn’t in this episode!” -Nobody
  • There is a painting of “The Good, the Bad and the Ugly” in Hank’s house. This is one of my favorite movies of all time and I’m sure Vince Gilligan was also hugely influenced by it. I know I’m overanalyzing again, but I have a feeling that was put there for a reason. If we don’t get a standoff between three men in the final episode, maybe we’ll at least get some Ennio Morricone music. 

Analog This: Breaking Bad Recap- Belize Navidad

This is a recap of episode 9 of season 5 of “Breaking Bad.” The episode is “Buried.”

Well, there was no way to top last week’s episode.

Last week, the cat leaped out of the freaking bag, tore up the entire place, and pooped outside the litter box after Walt warned Hank to “tread lightly.” This week’s episode was also tense, but in a much quieter way. It was a linking and in-between episode, a nice valley between last week’s eventful episode and what is sure to be another great one next week. 


“Buried” begins with a very sad Jesse Pinkman, having thrown all of his money on stranger’s front lawns like some rich paperboy, as he lies on one of those tilting and spinning things on a playground. At this point, he seems less sad then flat out dead inside. The overhead shot of Jesse spinning away is something to marvel at. It’s a great reminder that “Breaking Bad” is the most cinematic show on all of television.


The episode then picks up right where we left off last week: a stunned Walt stands outside of Hank’s garage. Hank, without saying a word, once again closes the garage door. Walt is more panicked and vulnerable than ever. His suspicions further when Skyler won’t pick up her phone and in the distance, Hank makes a call of his own. It’s enough to make Walt drive over to Saul’s, because calling him clearly isn’t an option anymore, as phone taps are a dangerous thing for a wanted man.

Shortly after, Hank meets Skyler in a diner where ever-so-sweet Hank offers his condolences and does everything he can to help Skyler. However, ever-so-blissfully-ignorant Hank doesn’t know the extent of Skyler’s involvement in Walt’s empire. The ever so-confident Walt and Skyler that emerged in the past seasons are starting to crumble, and their desperation is just starting to look like the scene in “Goodfellas” where Henry realizes that Karen flushed all of his coke down the toilet: they are helpless in a frightening, clueless way. 

This was a particularly long scene for a TV show, and one that proves that “Breaking Bad” never adheres to an episode-by-episode structure. Anna Gunn also has a strong chance to show off her dramatic chops in a scene where she must act like she’s a victim even though deep down she knows that she’s screwed. 

“Buried” also had some fine acting from Betsy Brandt, who rarely gets a moment in the sun as Marie. Her only major plot line on the show, in which she moonlit as a shoplifter, was one of the show’s few weak moments. This week, she was finally let in on the big secret by Hank. Hank probably shouldn’t have told. However, Hank’s confession led to the moment in which Marie slapped Skyler across the face. The moment felt weirdly cathartic, as if it were actually the result of five seasons worth of buildup. Marie’s true anger didn’t come from the fact that Skyler knew about Heisenberg, but that she’s been aware since long before the twins attempted to murder Hank. So that’s when the tearful Marie let her hand do the talking. And while many of you might find Marie annoying, she definitely isn’t wrong. 


As all of Skyler’s secrets came out, Walt started hiding all of his. Saul gave him some very Saul Goodman advice (dismantle your phone) and then some (more on that in a bit). Then came the welcome return of Saul’s goons (including Bill Burr, who’s currently one of the funniest standup comedians in America), who entered the episode by using Walt’s giant piles of accumulated money as a bed.

Walt then took the money out to the middle of the desert and buried it in barrels, a great opportunity to stick the camera inside some barrels as well. Maybe it was my sister and I who are the only ones on the planet to think that the digging scene felt a little like “Encino Man,” but you judge for yourself:

Foolproof argument right here.


Walt returns home that night a defeated and exhausted man. As he prepares to step in the shower, he strips down to nothing but his underwear, those same tighty-whiteys he last ran around in during the pilot episode. This Walter White is very similar to that Walter White: equally as pathetic, yet less innocent. However, Walter White from season one said “screw it” because he knew he was going to die. Walter White from season five gives up because he’s done everything he’s needed to and he knows he’s going to die.

It was in this brief scene that Walt and Skyler shared together that I realized how much power Skyler holds over Walt, and I’m not sure if she is aware of that. She tucks Walt in, who looks a little like a grown child at that moment, and stands over him as the puppet master. She pulls the strings. She’s the one who can choose to say one word to Hank and bring the Heisenberg legacy down. Yet, Walt still has this bit of leverage over Skyler: family. Walt asks Skyler to give away every cent of his money to his children and his children’s children if he is to die. “You keep the money,” he tells her. He wants to make sure that everything he did actually has a purpose.
Now, that’s already a lot for an hour long TV show. But that’s not all. Lydia is still here apparently, because the writers still haven’t found a way to write her off the show. But she’s here and she’s mad that her new cooks can’t live up to the Heisenberg standards. Well, she’s not mad, her Czech employer is mad, because she has no feelings or personality of her own. That also might be why she doesn’t bat an eye when the new cooks are brutally murdered, though she refuses to look. This brings Todd back onto the show. Jesse Plemons’ innocent look and kind accent do such a great job at hiding the fact that Todd is a psychopath. 
The catchphrase that didn’t quite take off.
Back at Casa de Schrader, Hank must decide what he is going to do with the Heisenberg file. Marie encourages him to just turn him in already to save his own skin. Marie is a good woman who always looks after her husband. Yet, Hank presents a fine rebuttal: the moment he turns Walt in is the moment that his career in the DEA ends. It’s hard to work for the DEA when you’re brother is a dangerous meth cooker, I guess.
Regardless, Hank returns to work the next day to a surprise visitor. Jesse has been brought in for questioning after his money-throwing spree. He’s giving the officers nothing, so Hank figures that if he goes in the interrogation room, Jesse might finally open his mouth. So, Hank proceeds, and the episode ends in a bit of an abrupt cliffhanger which doesn’t provide a lot but promises much for next week. This is a different Jesse than the one that Hank punched in the face. I have a feeling that Hank will eventually get to him in an incredibly well written scene, and then Jesse will provide Hank’s missing link to Heisenberg. 
Other “Breaking” Points
  • If Dean Norris doesn’t win an Emmy when this season is qualified for awards next year, I will be very angry, and write some blog posts about how angry I am.
  • This was a great night for comic relief. Gomez is back! And I was happy to learn this week that Steven Michael Quezada is actually a local Albuquerque comedian/talk show host. Glad to see Vince Gilligan goes local in his casting.
  • There was a haunting presence of the sound of the wind in this episode. Maybe it was to add a western feel to it, but whenever they use it, it sends chills down my spine. It reminds me of when Gus told Walt that “I will kill your infant daughter.”
  • Speaking of which, I love the way this show pays attention to sound as much as color. Also pay attention to the buzzing when Walt goes out to the desert.
  • Yes, Marie’s entire outfit is purple. But here’s a nice little easter egg: so is her teapot. 
  • Another great little detail: bullets falling through the roof of the underground meth lab. 
  • Walt is Daniel Plainview from “There Will Be Blood.” That’s just a little thought I’m still working out and thinking through. 
  • Skyler tells Walt that she “can’t remember the last time she was happy.” Walt might have left enough money behind for his children, but he can never be the great family man that he thinks he is.
  • Speaking of families, it is interesting to see Walt and Hank’s differing views on family. Last week, Hank, the show’s supposed hero, says “screw family” when it comes to bringing Walt down. Meanwhile, this week Saul proposed that Walt take Hank “on a trip to Belize” like he did with Mike. Walt refuses, saying that Hank is family. There is still one, little shred of humanity left in Walter White.
  • Where has Walt Jr. been? I’m guessing that he’s stuck in line waiting for a Grand Slam at Denny’s.
  • One last thing. This guy’s mustache:
“And what, pray tell, is the five-point-palm-exploding-heart technique?”
Thanks everyone for reading. I’ll be back again next week. And the next week. And many weeks over. I hope to hear some of your thoughts in the comments.

Analog This: Breaking Bad and the Crystal Blue Side of the American Dream

“Now you’re looking for the secret. But you won’t find it because of course, you’re not really looking. You don’t really want to work it out. You want to be fooled.” 
-The Prestige

As always, SPOILER ALERT.

Could there have been a more perfect song to put into a “Breaking Bad” episode than “Crystal Blue Persuasion”? I wonder how long Vince Gilligan was waiting to use that song, because tonight’s episode, “Gliding Over All” seemed like the perfect place for it. Tonight, it was more apparent than ever why Walter White’s crystal blue meth is both the best and worst thing to ever happen to him.

“Gliding Over All” was one of the most important and exciting episodes of the series, which I tend to say about almost every episode. However, this one was different than most “Breaking Bad” episodes. Most episodes tend to pick their pace wisely. One week we will get an action packed thriller and the next week will be slow-burning exposition and character work. However, the mid-season finale gave us a little bit of both.


Following the death of Mike, Walt appeared to be much more humbled than he was last week. Even though Walt told Jesse that he did what had to be done (although Walt didn’t actually say that Mike was dead), this obviously wasn’t true. Despite their constant fighting, I have a feeling that Walt had a lot of respect for Mike, as Mike was a man who knew what his job was and knew how to do it well. And as we could see from all of the orders Walt barked at his hired men this week, all he wants is for people to do what they’re paid to do.

If last week saw Walt going through the “ego” stage of the “Scarface Stages of Power,” this week saw him in paranoia mode, which is probably not far from downfall. If anything could perfectly demonstrate paranoia, it’s having nine guys brutally stabbed to death throughout various prisons in the span of two minutes. Walt timed out the murder spree on the watch Jesse got him for his birthday, and it all went down as planned. As I said during the great train robbery, only in the “Breaking Bad” universe could I believe that such events could go on without a hitch. This scene was the first great montage of the episode. Set to what sounded like Christmas tunes from the 1950s, the manic nature of the scene was unsettlingly hilarious and fun to watch. The montage was worthy enough for a Martin Scorsese film, from which it seemed to be heavily influenced.

The episode’s second great montage came from watching Walt and Todd in the process of making and profiting off of their product. This was the one set to “Crystal Blue Persuasion” and to me, it nearly matched the breakfast montage in “Citizen Kane” in both energy and innovation. While comparing works of art to “Citizen Kane” is usually frowned upon, I believe the comparison comes in handy here, as this show is continually pushing its form forward. From the moment of the transition to Walter putting on his gear to the panoramic view of fumigation tents popping up one after another across the suburban landscape, both the scope and toil of the whole operation can be seen. I believe “Breaking Bad” will one day be taught in film school. “Gliding Over All” would not be a bad episode to put on the agenda.

As the “Crystal Blue Persuasion” montage showed, being a drug kingpin is not a simple path to easy money. Being king is a commitment. The tragic part of Walt’s reign is that he is starting to realize that being king is not all that it’s cracked up to be. Having all of the money you want provides more restrictions than freedom. Maybe Walt was better off staying Gus’s underling. At least then he had the freedom to kill his boss whenever he wanted to.

As Walt began to understand the downsides of power, the shackles of his past began to come back to haunt him. “Breaking Bad” has always been masterful at plants, payoffs, and callbacks, and this week they were plentiful. As Alan Sepinwall pointed out, the painting that Walt was transfixed by was the same one that hung in his hospital room during a season one episode. Perhaps it brought him back to a better time, despite the fact that he was dying of cancer then. However, it was at that moment that his entire family surrounded him and refused to leave his side. Now, instead of being with his real family, he was with a family that wasn’t his own. If we want to bring this back to “Citizen Kane” again, then Walt’s family is his Rosebud.

Yet another callback this week was the dented towel dispenser, which Walt had punched violently in season two after finding out that he had gone into remission. The results of this week’s MRI scan were left a mystery but whatever it was, I don’t think it mattered to Walt anymore. If the result was pain, who would cry with him? If the result was joy, who would embrace his good health?

The scene in which Walt visited Jesse was Walt’s most genuine moment of this half of the season. He had no intention of talking business with him. Rather, they reminisced about their RV. It was a really nice moment between friends, and it shows that the relationship between Walt and Jesse has blossomed into something much more than a partnership throughout this series. This is a friendship that Walt and Todd will probably never share.

After Walt left, Jesse saw the body bag filled with money* that Walt had left for him, after promising him nothing. Jesse pulled out a gun that he had at his side and tossed it to the floor. The most dangerous aspect of Walt and Jesse’s relationship is that Walt secretly takes away the things that Jesse loves, which then drives Jesse to rock bottom. And when Walt does one good thing, Jesse automatically feels like he is the bad guy. This seemed like it could have been Jesse’s final moment in the show, but he is too strong of a presence to just disappear. Also, I still find it hard to believe that Jesse will never find out the truth about Brock, Jane, and now Mike.

This week also included the reconciliation between Walt and Skyler. Skyler showed Walt the uncountable stacks of money that she has been keeping safe for him and in return, she begged for her kids back. For the first time in a very long time, Walt and Skyler wanted the exact same thing. Then, the episode brought Walt, Skyler, Hank, Marie, Walt Jr. and baby Holly out by the pool that they used to spend so much time by. Only here could a scene of domestic bliss feel so eery. It was apparent that no season finale could end this way.

And the season finale did not end that way. Most people predicted that Hank would find out Heisenberg’s true identity by the end of this episode. Only “Breaking Bad” can make predictability seem so fresh. In the episode’s greatest callback, Hank found the Walt Whitman poem and W.W. initials that he discovered in Gale’s notebook in season four. Earlier in the episode, that same Whitman book, entitled “Leaves of Grass,” could be seen for a split second. In “Breaking Bad,” every shot is important. For some reason, it just seemed right up Vince Gilligan’s alley to have Hank discover this explosive secret while sitting on the toilet. Hank, who was starting to grow frustrated with his job, just found a whole new reason to keep on going, while the rest of season five just found its biggest plot point.

With its roots in the American West, “Breaking Bad” is starting to remind me more of a five season long folk song. Walter White is beginning to find himself a little bit like the anti-heroes Johnny Cash always sang about, who discovered that the power found in money and guns don’t necessarily make you a free man. I think the last eight episodes of “Breaking Bad” will give us a man who has stopped living by “Scarface” and instead has listened to “A Satisfied Mind” a few times.

*Am I the only one who thought that Mike’s body was going to be in that duffle bag that Walt gave to Jesse?

Side Observations:

-This episode saw the return of the Ricin. Lydia almost became the latest victim of Walt’s favorite poison, but she struck a deal to save her life. She did what she was supposed to do and for that, I think Walt might take her up as a new partner.

-Not nearly enough Saul Goodman these past few episodes. But with that flash forward still in mind, there is no doubt that his last ditch plan that he presented to Walt in season three will come in handy.

-There was something very unsettling about seeing Heisenberg in such a fancy cafe.

-Surf the web for some more discussion boards and reviews of this episode. There are even more callbacks than I can count. This show truly rewards its most loyal viewers.

-There are also some interesting theories connecting these last two episodes to “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.” What started off as a joke became a smart, legitimate theory.

-I couldn’t resist this. When Skyler tells Walt that she “just wants her kids back,” this was the first thing to come to mind:

Analog This: A Blockbuster Summer for TV; Maybe Less so for Movies

No one can deny it at this point: there is something wrong at the movies. Tentpoles and remakes just won’t seem to go away. A good movie feels like a treat that is too good for its own good. There is good hope when something like “Moonrise Kingdom” can find an audience. However, when even Batman can’t deliver, there must be a problem. However, one place I couldn’t find a problem this summer was on television. While film has already broken down so many barriers, TV is just figuring out how to do the same thing.

This summer (well, it’s been a long time in the making), cable and basic cable networks have nailed the formula down and created an entertainment experience that can sometimes rival even a great film. Now that everyone has a DVR box and access to the internet, shows can carry long stories in ways they never could in the past. Here are the shows that created a Blockbuster summer for the likes of AMC, FX, and HBO, amongst others:



Action/Thriller: Breaking Bad (AMC)

I don’t know if there is much more that I could say about “Breaking Bad” that I haven’t said before, but I’ll give it a try. “Breaking Bad” is one of the best dramas of all time in any artistic format. It is like watching a never-ending tragedy unfold. However, that tragedy is peppered with breathless suspense, spurts of humor, and unforgettable characters. “Breaking Bad” is how the Coen Brothers would make a show if they ever adopted the format. It melds many genres together, perhaps hitting its most breathless strides when pulling off little heists, such as the great train robbery they pulled off last week. Even as one of their best characters (Gus) “left” the show, “Breaking Bad” recovered by giving more screen time to its very colorful side characters, including Mike and Saul. It has been said that this show is about a chemistry teacher turning into Scarface. However, I cannot tell whether or not this will end like “Scarface.” “Breaking Bad” is too good for that. And while I cannot wait to see how the fifth and final season will end, I wish it never would.


Best Episodes of the Season: Madrigal, Fifty-One, Dead Freight

Epic/Fantasy: Game of Thrones (HBO)

Television has now gotten into the adaptation business. “Game of Thrones” has secured itself a long run, as George R.R. Martin hasn’t even finished writing his “A Song of Ice and Fire” series of which this show is based. I have not read any of Martin’s books, but this show is all I need to be totally absorbed into the Westeros universe. “Game of Thrones” rewrote some of the basic rules of television when it killed off a key character in its first season. Now, it continues on its dark tone, as it is impossible to know who is safe and who isn’t. Season two saw Westeros expand, and some new fascinating characters were introduced, most prominently Theon Greyjoy. Meanwhile, old characters such as Cersei Lannister (Lena Headey) and Joffrey Baratheon (Jack Gleeson) were more evil than ever. In Westeros, that means they were more compelling, and more likely to have success. “Game of Thrones” continues to differentiate itself from all other entries in its genre through perpetual moral ambiguity. Every bad action can be somehow justified as right. Moral ambiguity is the root of good drama.

Best Episodes of the Season: Garden of Bones, A Man Without Honor, Blackwater


Arthouse/Awards Bait: Mad Men (AMC)

Here is yet another show that I may have said all that can be said about it. Yet, I cannot stop talking about it. This season’s was the best “Mad Men” has ever been. And this is a show that has won the Best Drama Emmy four years straight. Season five gave Don Draper (Jon Hamm) a new wife (Jessica Pare) and a new outlook on life. It took a trip on LSD, and then plunged into darker depths than it ever has before. Don Draper is a man who is too big for a movie, and “Mad Men” has been the perfect home for his development. “Mad Men” is an amazing character piece because it not only captures the period, but the people inhabiting it, the way it was meant to be.


Best Episodes of the Season: Signal 30, Far Away Places, At the Codfish Ball, Commissions and Fees


Only “Mad Men” could make a French song from the 1960s into a part of the current cultural lexicon.


Indie Fare: Girls (HBO)

This has actually been a fantastic summer for independent cinema, ranging from microbudget flicks (“Safety Not Guaranteed,” “Your Sister’s Sister”) to those that could connect to mainstream audiences (“Moonrise Kingdom”). A few months ago, if you were to tell me that one of my favorite shows on television would be a dramedy about the lives of four twenty-something girls trying to make it in New York, I would have scoffed, and then yelled at whatever “Sex and the City” rerun was currently playing on TBS.

But “Girls” managed to exceed all of my expectations. Lena Dunham, the show’s star and creator, crafted a world that is as welcoming as it is raw. It’s hard to be truly shocked by new content nowadays when all frontiers seemed to have been conquered, yet “Girls” continues to surprise in its explicitness, and its ability to find its voice and its realism in its most uncomfortable moments. Dunham is emerging as one of TV’s latest auteurs, with this very personal, semi-autobiographical series. True to its Mumblecore roots, “Girls” lingers long on scenes that could have ended long ago to great effect. The most memorable of these is a fight between two roommates which covers nearly eight minutes of screen time.

Executive Producer Judd Apatow said that he hopes “Girls” will teach men more about women. And it does just that, by not leaving its male characters to the side (Adam Driver, who plays Adam, became one of the show’s best characters). This season, Dunham also dared to answer a question that no one ever wanted to ask: what does Mrs. Weir look like naked?

Best Episodes of the Season: Hannah’s Diary, Welcome to Bushwick a.k.a. The Crackcident, Weirdos Need Girlfriends Too, She Did


Awkward Comedy: Veep (HBO)

Instead of remaking a British show for American audiences, HBO decided to steal a British mind instead (commence brain drain!). Armando Iannucci, creator of “The Thick of It” and “In the Loop” brought his hysterically uncomfortable and pessimistic view of politics from Parliament to the White House.

As Vice President Selena Meyer, Julia Louis-Dreyfus shows once again why she deserves to be known as one of television’s best actresses. She plays the exact opposite of the very popular Leslie Knope from “Parks & Rec”: she’s seen how the political machine works, crushing the ambition she once had. She is bolstered by a strong supporting cast, which includes Matt Walsh and Tony Hale (“Arrested Development”). It includes tough, stinging dialogue along with an edge of meanness that puts some of Sorkin’s walk-and-talks to shame. “Veep” nails it best in the little details. It never reveals Meyer’s political party, or the name of the president. Some of the funniest moments lie in the more mundane tasks of the vice president, such as highly publicized photo shoots. And yes, the words POTUS and FLOTUS are hilarious.

Best Episodes of the Season: Catherine, Nicknames, Baseball


Experimental: Louie (FX)

“Louie” is the kind of show that cannot be defined by just a few words. It’s star, writer, director, and editor is America’s best standup comic. Every episode is also a half hour long. However, calling it a comedy wouldn’t do it justice. “Louie” changes so much from episode to episode. One episode might involve a homeless guy being hit by a truck. The next episode could involve a boat chase. Or diarrhea in a bathtub. “Louie” has an element of surprise that has been absent from almost every movie coming to a theater near you. It’s ability to stray from formula so well makes Louis C.K. one of the most exciting filmmakers working today. The work he is doing on “Louie” reminds me of Woody Allen at his absolute best. But to simply compare him to Allen is unfair. C.K. is a unique and incomparable voice. This current season has carried on the gold standard he set up for himself in season two, and has yet to disappoint. This has been one of the most exciting shows I have ever seen without continuous story arcs. Because of “Louie,” every Thursday this summer was a highlight.

Best Episodes of the Season: Telling Jokes/Setup, Miami, Daddy’s Girlfriend (Parts 1 & 2), Barney/Never

Analog This: Breaking Bad a.k.a. The One Where They Rob a Train

SPOILERS AHEAD!

This week’s episode of “Breaking Bad,” entitled “Dead Freight,” once again proved that the show that is never bad just keeps on getting better.

Obviously, somebody had to pull out the Jesse James comparison once the only solution to the methylamine shortage turned out to be a train robbery. This is not surprising, as Walt is starting to believe more and more that he is Jesse James. Here is someone who will push it to the very end without the fear of death. Maybe it’s time something bad happened to him, something that will finally make Heisenberg cease to exist. And that final straw may have come loose tonight.

Each season of “Breaking Bad” reminds me of the Tortoise: slow to start, taking its time at the beginning, and then taking off and not stopping. Tonight was like the taking off point kicking things into high gear. This momentum should get us through the remainder of this final season.


In one of tonight’s first scenes, Walt paid an unexpected visit to Hank’s (Dean Norris) new office. Walt breaks down and opens up about his fears that he is not a good father and a bad influence, as Skyler (Anna Gunn) told him in last week’s episode. The fact that I bought it for a quick second shows either my naivety as a viewer or Walt’s now uncanny ability to fool others. Of course, it was a rouse, and when Hank gets up to get Walt a cup of coffee, Walt hastily bugs the place. As Heisenberg, Walt is no longer guided by a need to protect his family but rather as a need to keep his business going. As he notes in the preview for next week’s episode, he’s in the empire business. In season one, he talked about leaving his family money to survive long after he died. Now, all he wants is a legacy for himself.

The one thing that currently makes Walt and Hank similar is that they are both good at hiding information that the other has no clue about. There have been many subtle hints so far this season that Hank knows about Walt’s secret criminal life. Hank’s words of wisdom to Walt seemed almost strained. This could foreshadow that Hank’s kindness toward Walt was an act, as Hank is probably the only genuinely good character on the show. Look how good he was with Walt and Skyler’s baby. The “Breaking Bad” team is slowly, slyly building up to a showdown between Walt and Hank. Bloody or not, I’m sure it will be one of the most memorable moments in television history.

But let’s get back to the heist at hand. With all of the methylamine barrels being tracked, Walt, Jesse, and Mike needed to find the miracle chemical elsewhere. So Lydia (the basket case who might be the most irritating character in the show’s history) suggests that they rob a freight train where they can find all the methylamine they need. At first, it seems like a suicide mission. But then, Jesse comes up with a way they can rob the train and not get caught. And while it’s kind of insane, it actually works.

This season, Jesse has become the man with the brilliant plans. Walt always talks about leverage and in case Walt ever wants to dispose of Jesse, Jesse has this leverage over him: Walt has the crazy needs and demands, and Jesse has the plausible execution. In an earlier episode, Jesse finds an old test of his from when he was Mr. White’s student. The words “NOT APPLYING YOURSELF” were scrawled across it. Jesse may not want to be a criminal, but when he applies himself, he is actually a pretty good one.

This is not the first time “Breaking Bad” has taken form of a heist film. They did it earlier this season, when they absconded evidence using magnets. During season two, in one of my favorite episodes of the entire series, they staged a drug bust and hired a fake Heisenberg to go to jail for them. Now, they were using a broken down truck to stop a train. That works. The next step for them is to drain the train of just enough methylamine for them to start their new business, but not too much so no one would notice that any of it was gone.

I hope “Breaking Bad” keeps doing heist episodes every once in a while, because they show off the absolute best and worst of the characters, as well as the best of the creative team behind the show. By setting the stakes so unrealistically high, the characters must think in ways they would usually never think. While most heists onscreen usually unfold with the predictability of the plan, “Breaking Bad” always draws its heists out and adds in unexpected obstacles. In the aforementioned false-Heisenberg scheme, another bald man accidentally gets involved in the middle of the crime. In “Dead Fright,” the unexpected obstacle is Walt’s hubris, which becomes more frightening and unpredictable with every passing week.

Part of the robbery involved Vamonos Pest Control’s (this season’s Los Pollos Hermanos) Todd (Jesse Plemons) pumping water into the barrels as Jesse pumped methylamine out of the freight car. Meanwhile, Saul’s henchman (Bill Burr) blocked the train with his truck. Once the truck diversion can hold no longer, Walt still doesn’t have enough methylamine. Instead of settling for what he has, he insists that they keep pumping, despite the fact that Jesse is under the train and the train has started to move. We now know that Walt will sacrifice the people who care for him so he can get exactly what he wants. It’s not so much that Walt thinks he will get exactly what he wants, but that he will do anything for it. Surprisingly, this isn’t so different from the Walter White of season one. Remember the “I’ll do anything for my family” mantra? Well, now it’s just “I’ll do anything for myself.”

The second the phrase “train robbery” was mentioned, I got giddy in the kind of way that a twenty-year-old probably shouldn’t. John Ford would be proud of those stunning shots of the railroad slicing through the wide open desert. The cowboys of the old frontier would rob trains for money and any other supplies they needed to live off of. That is what Walter was doing. But then again, they could have cooked with cough syrup. Clearly, Walt is still a man who thrives off of the idea of danger.

Speaking of western motifs, the Jesse James comparison came up once again. A few weeks ago, Mike tells Walt, “just because you shot Jesse James, doesn’t mean you are Jesse James.” But with this train robbery, Jesse James comes back once again. If anything, comparing Gus to Jesse James and Walt to Robert Ford might make a little more sense. If “The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford” taught me anything (besides the fact that snow looks pretty), it’s that Jesse James was still a hero despite being an outlaw, and even if his death would be better for the country’s safety, he would be missed by many. However, at this point I doubt that Walter White will be missed by anyone if someone pulls the trigger on him. If that was to happen, I am still betting that Jesse will take on the role of Robert Ford in this modern western folktale.

As the train passes over Jesse, barely missing him, I squirmed in fear that the show might off him in that moment. Because that’s how good “Breaking Bad” is: even when you know it’s not the right moment to kill a character off, you still get the feeling that any moment could lead to their demise. But after the robbery turns out to be a success, Jesse gets to yell “yeah, bitch!” This is his equivalent of a battle call of victory.

The celebration couldn’t last long. The episode began with a boy we never met scooping up a tarantula in the desert and then riding off on his dirt bike. Knowing this show, I should have known this was another instance of Chekhov’s Gun. The boy from the beginning appeared seemingly out of nowhere. Everyone on “Breaking Bad” has the ability to commit murder. Without a moment’s hesitation, Todd takes out his gun and shoots the little boy. Mike told them that every successful heist leaves no witnesses, but he never said what to do with children. It was a tragic moment, and one that brought Jesse to tears, while Walt just stood there silently. Past Walt would never have allowed that to happen. Next week, Heisenberg will probably conclude that it was “either him or us.”

“Dead Fright” ended with a very “Breaking Bad” shot in which the tarantula that the little boy had collected in a jar struggled to get out of the jar which lay next to the boy’s lifeless body. Perhaps it shows that Walt’s evil is becoming an inhuman force of nature itself, which drags in and kills anyone that gets in its way. As the tagline for “The Dark Knight” touted, welcome to a world without rules.

Side Observations:

-Anna Gunn is killing it this season. In earlier seasons, she got a lot of the same flack January Jones got on “Mad Men” after Jones’s Betty decided to kick her adulterous husband out of the house. Gunn’s Skyler was also faced with the tough choice of tearing her own family apart in order to protect her children. However, the difference between Gunn and Jones is that Jones has the personality of a doorstop. Gunn has gotten to show her true colors ever since Skyler broke bad. In season five, she is proving herself to be one of the few people who can stand up to Walt. She claims to be Walt’s hostage, but she acts like anything but that. 
-Lydia tells Walt that there’s an “ocean of methylamine” on the train. Maybe I’m the only one who felt this way, but I was immediately reminded of Daniel Plainview (Daniel Day-Lewis) proclaiming, “there’s a whole ocean of oil under our feet, and I’m the only one who can get to it!” in “There Will Be Blood.” These two pioneers of the American West have a lot in common, including an unstoppable desire to build empires while putting their families at risk. Based on the flash forward that opened this season up, Walt is likely going to end up in a similar, lonely place that Daniel Plainview ended up in. In a perfect world, Paul Thomas Anderson will be asked to direct an upcoming episode.
-Once again, everyone was addressing Walt Junior (R.J. Mitte) by his old nickname of Flynn. This time, he didn’t seem too pleased about it, and it had nothing to do with the fact that he didn’t get to visit an omelette bar like I had wrongly predicted would happen this week. Perhaps the nickname was made to totally separate him from his father. The poor kid didn’t even understand why he couldn’t see his father anymore. When the secret finally comes out, I don’t think Flynn will be standing at his father’s side.
-Saul Goodman, who was absent this week, must have felt pretty left out. As the guy who always knows a guy, Saul is usually an instrumental part of helping Walt and Jesse get out of the messes that they create. 
-Walt, Jesse, and Mike make an awesome team. Their dynamic is very clear at this point: Walt and Mike fight over who’s right, and then Jesse comes up with the idea that saves them. I hope next time Jesse comes up with a great idea, it is accompanied with one of the graphics that included a bunch of light bulbs and the word IDEA that used to appear on “Rocket Power” anytime someone thought of something.
How Jesse comes up with his best ideas.

Analog This: Live Free or Die, Breaking Bad Season 5 Premiere

You’re not the boss of me now.

Warning: Spoilers ahead! So if you don’t like spoilers (and based on the Internet buzz around “The Dark Knight Rises,” I can tell that people really don’t), read on with caution.

It is fitting that the first episode of the final season of “Breaking Bad” would begin the same way that the pilot did. In the pilot, Walter White (Bryan Cranston) looks at the number 50 spelled out in his bacon. In the season five premiere, entitled “Live Free Or Die,” Walt was digging on swine and turning his bacon strips into the number 52. During this mysterious flash forward, Walt had aged two years and since that time, he has gone from caring, mild-mannered chemistry teacher to downright evil meth cooker Heisenberg.

I may not be qualified to say that “Breaking Bad” is the best drama ever on television. After all, I still haven’t seen “The Wire,” and I’ve only seen “Sopranos” and “Six Feet Under” episodes here and there. However, I can say this: “Breaking Bad” is the best drama I have ever seen on television, and it shows no signs of slowing down.
While “Breaking Bad” shows no signs of slowing down, the season premiere was rightfully toned back after the heart-stopping season four finale. The stakes were high, but not as high. This was classic “Breaking Bad”: Walt had to clear his name, and Jesse (Aaron Paul) got one very memorable declaration of his favorite five letter word that begins with a “b.” 



However, things are noticeably different. Now that Gus is gone, moral ambiguity doesn’t stand as strong. Walt is officially the show’s villain. He officially earned this title after breaking the one moral he had left by poisoning a child (to be fair, he also let Jesse’s girlfriend die in season two). Jesse, meanwhile, is somewhat starting to become the man Walt once was. He’s now just as good of a cook as he is, and he’s even getting into science. He comes up with ideas, such as that magnet one, right off the top of his head the way Walt used to be able to. Now, Walt’s ego is too high to let that brilliant brain of his actually work.

But before I go further, I have to go back. Or should I say forward. No show since the glory days of “Lost” has used the concept of flashbacks and flash forwards as effectively as “Breaking Bad” does. Based on this flash forward, we now know that “Breaking Bad” takes place over a period of at least two years. We also know that something bad enough will happen that will draw Walt to change his identity. I believe this is part of the last resort plan that Saul Goodman (Bob Odenkirk) told Walt about in the season three finale. Walt is now a man from New Hampshire. A close up of the state’s license plate focuses in on the state motto, “Live Free or Die.” This motto is basically the declaration of Walter White and eventually Heisenberg. This is a man who will do anything as long as it allows him to keep his freedom, even if that means constantly shifting his identity. This is a man who once gave up money for cancer treatment because he didn’t want charity. Walter White wasn’t always evil, but he has always been filled with the hubris that is leading to his downfall.

Classic “Breaking Bad” shot

“Live Free or Die” was essentially a heist film condensed into one hour. As far as heist films go, it was a very good one.  This caper involved Jesse, Walt, and Mike (Jonathan Banks) trying to get a hold of a laptop found in Gus’s office containing hours of security footage. Even with Gus gone, his cold and ever watchful presence is always felt. It was locked up in a DEA evidence room and since they couldn’t get it from the inside, they instead got it from the outside using a giant magnet. Walt gets away safely, for now.

Seeing as even the show’s own creator doesn’t feel sympathy for the character, I think Walt’s luck will eventually run out. Hank (Dean Norris) looked pretty sure of something we didn’t know while searching through the remnants of the meth lab. Did he already look at those security tapes and know who Heisenberg really is. Maybe he, like many have already proposed, switched out the laptop and has the real one in his possession. It’s a move that only Hank could pull off.

The posters promoting the latest seasons touted the tagline, “All Hail the King.” This can now be seen as somewhat ironic, because despite all of his wealth, Walt isn’t quite on top of the world. It makes more sense to say that he thinks he is king. At one point in “Live Free or Die,” he claims he is right simply because “he says so” and later he tells Saul that “it’s not over until he says it’s over.” And there Walt is again, too stubborn to ever let someone try and tell him how to live his life.

And as much as I liked this episode, it just felt a tad too short. This might have to do with the fact that this is the first time I’ve ever watched an episode of “Breaking Bad” live with commercials as opposed to streaming on Netflix. I am sure that I am not the only one who feels this way so next time Gilligan, don’t be afraid to go long. But as far as setting up the next two years goes, we have a hell of a lot to look forward to from the most intense drama on television.

Side Observation:


I feel as if every character on “Breaking Bad” is worthy of their own spin-off. Maybe with the exception of Marie (Betsy Brandt), just because I don’t think I can sit through another spoon stealing ordeal. And while I always thought the spin-off would go to Saul, I think Mike deserves his own at all. He kills it with his many deadpan zingers (“Keys scumbag. It’s the universal sign for keys”) and his mysterious way of living. Seriously, I actually want to see more of his friendship with those chickens.

And in case you were wondering, this is what it said behind Gus’s picture in the cracked frame:

Cayman Islands… definitely important
And how could I forget: 
As always, leave it to “Breaking Bad” to screw with our expectations. 

Why Do People Like This: Speed

Why Do People Like This is a new segment where I discuss a thoroughly overrated movie.


Pop Quiz Hot Shot!

It is said that “Speed” was pitched as “Die Hard” on a bus. This is one of the most brilliant pitches ever made. Too bad “Speed” isn’t nearly as good as “Die Hard.”

When it comes to movies, I’m like Alvy Singer, in that I won’t see a movie in theaters if I am late. Even two minutes late. I like the credits, too. But it appears that I have broken some of my own rules for “Speed.” I like to justify it by putting into consideration the fact that I caught it on AMC on a Saturday night. AMC is known for playing both classic, and classically cheesy, movies.

In the pop culture lexicon, “Speed” doesn’t usually fall into the second category. In fact, if the ratings on the information option on cable are to be trusted, it gets three and a half out of four stars. So about the same rating as “No Country for Old Men” and “The Social Network.” “Speed” is an entertaining thriller. But a great one? Not even close.

For the longest time, “Speed” was on that list of movies that I am guilty of never watching. That list still includes “Top Gun,” “Trading Places,” and “A Beautiful Mind.” I can now take “Speed” off of that list, and relief washes over me in a wave of meh.

The premise of “Speed” is simple, yet effective: a terrorist plants a bomb inside a bus, and said bus cannot go under 50 miles per hour at anytime, or else it will explode. From the start, I had no clue how that bomb would be diffused. That is what drew me to the movie. Unfortunately, “Speed” goes for the most obvious conclusion possible.

First off, everything about “Speed” is absolutely ludicrous. Now, no movie can ever be truly, fully realistic. Even the ones that claim to be so are usually the most highly implausible (*cough* “Crash” *cough*). But really, are we supposed to believe that a bus can make it over a jump that large? I have never taken a physics class, but even I know that stunt does not look right. Usually in a Hollywood blockbuster, the coolness factor justifies the suspension of reality. This shot might have looked cool in 1994, but it has not aged well.

“Speed” was written by Graham Yost. Yost would go on years later to create “Justified,” which I am told is one of the best dramas on television. But there is something “Speed” lacks in its script. The potential of both comedic and dramatic bonding between the passengers on the bus is passed up so that each of them instead can be used to forward the plot. The only passengers to get some form of personality are Cam from “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” (Alan Ruck, who should be acting more) and the teacher with the annoying voice from “Donnie Darko.”

And lest we not forget the dull chemistry between the two leads: Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock. Bullock is charismatic when she chooses to be; Keanu doesn’t seem to have a choice. When he isn’t busy sitting on a park bench by himself, he is being the lamest actor to ever be called a leading man. Why are we made to root for this hero? What is he overcoming, and what makes him so special? He really should have stuck to movies more like “Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure.” Seriously, that movie does not get enough credit.

The end of this movie devolves into a big kiss between the two leads. However, Jack (Reeves) never seemed to be trying to save Annie (Bullock) out of love, but rather obligation. Bullock is able to get the second best line in the movie, when she says she lost her license because of speeding, just seconds after she is asked to take the wheel. The other best line is when Jack says that Howard Payne (Hopper) has “lost his head.” That sentence has multiple meanings.

Hopper is the scene stealer here as the psychotic and mysterious villain. He is strangely less over-the-top here than he usually is, and considering the fact that he once played Frank Booth. The small amount of screen time he gets certainly increases the intrigue in his villain, but I would have rather seen a movie completely about him than about anyone else here.

“Speed” is not completely horrible. There are a lot of thrilling moments and I will admit that I was afraid that the bus would actually blow up a few times earlier on. Then, I remembered if that happened, there wouldn’t be a movie. But that constant fear helps to keep the movie alive. However, this thrill is broken up by a lot of poor character development as well as an incessant need for a happy ending. “Speed” is a lot of great parts searching for a greater whole.

You can catch “Speed” on AMC about the same amount of times that you can catch “Wedding Crashers” and any Tyler Perry movie on TBS. Translation: A lot.