Category Archives: Lists

Top 10: Movies That I Shamefully Haven’t Seen Yet

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There’s only so many hours in a day, and my potion that can help you survive without sleep has yet to be approved by the FDA.

Having said that, I can’t see every movie ever made. This is a fact that has driven me crazy for my entire life. That might also be because I don’t have many actual problems to deal with. Who knows.

Anyway, I try to watch every movie that I think is important to see, but I also just want to see ones that interest me personally. That means that a lot of classics get missed. The point here is this: I am not perfect. I still have a lot of movie watching to go.

I decided to compile a list of ten movies that I also can’t believe I haven’t seen yet. Many of them are Oscar winners and AFI list toppers. Mainly though, they are movies that people walking down the street yell at me for not seeing.


City Lights (1931)

Silent film is one of the greatest gaps in my cinematic knowledge. I have seen bits and pieces of Chaplin in the past, but never the full thing. Film buffs, feel free to discredit me until I at least watch “City Lights.”

This looks like a poster that a rich family would have framed and put in their basement.
The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957)

Does it count that I can whistle the entire famous tune? I guess anyone can. It’s catchy, and definitely much less creepy to whistle than the “Deliverance” banjo song.

HEY THAT’S THE NAME OF THE MOVIE!


West Side Story (1961)

I might be even less knowledgable about musicals than I am about horror movies. I’ve been under the terrible assumption my whole life that every musical is “High School Musical,” in which everyone’s problems are suddenly solved through spontaneous song and dance. But then I saw “The Book of Mormon” this past summer, and I decided to lift the embargo. So I will have to venture over to “West Side Story” soon. For the record, I know that “I Feel Pretty” isn’t originally from “Anger Management.”

I wonder if this is like the basketball scene from “Catwoman.”


Sixteen Candles (1984)

I’ve seen up to the scene involving Molly Ringwald’s underwear, if that counts for anything. For some reason, I just never finished “Sixteen Candles.” However, I will always worship at the feet of John Hughes, as should anybody else who has ever been in high school. Also, if I was alive in the 80s, I totally would have married Molly Ringwald.
SPOILER ALERT!!!1

Top Gun (1986)

There’s a lot of jokes out there about gay volleyball scenes in “Top Gun.” I think. I wouldn’t know, because I still haven’t seen this modern classic. I wish I already had at this point. For some reason, the idea of Tom Cruise playing volleyball just seems so implausible.

I just found out Val Kilmer is in Top Gun.

The Princess Bride (1987)

Recently, I found out that the fact that I haven’t seen “The Princess Bride” is a crime against every twentysomething’s childhood. It is not out of lack of interest, but rather because my years as a kid was spent with too many repeat viewings of “Heavyweights,” “Kindergarten Cop,” and “3 Ninjas.” I look forward to watching “The Princess Bride” to see what I have been missing out on. Mainly though, I just want to see what Jewish Santa looked like when he was younger.

Swords would make “Homeland” much better.
Batman (1989)

I grew up on Christopher Nolan’s Batman trilogy, and for a long time I thought that was all I needed. False. I’ve got to see Jack Nicholson as the joker. Not to mention, “Batman” was Tim Burton in his prime, before Tim Burton became a parody of Tim Burton. 
Eight more years until Clooney’s nipple suit set Batman back about ten years.
Dances with Wolves (1990)

I sincerely have very little desire to see what I perceive to be a four hour epic about white guilt. I just think that I should watch it because I am honestly curious to see what the Academy possibly saw in it when they awarded “Dances with Wolves” Best Picture over “Goodfellas.” “Dances with Wolves” might be a good movie, but it will never be “Goodfellas.” For now, I will just continue to blame its snub on the whore living in 2R.
I’m already bored.

Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)

“Judgment Day” is supposedly one of the best sequels ever made. I guess I wouldn’t know. I liked the first “Terminator” movie as much as anyone is supposed to (even though it does look a little dated today), and it’s probably the best performance that Arnold Schwarzenegger has ever given. I probably should have seen “Judgment Day” a long time ago. Once again, I blame “Kindergarten Cop” always playing on cable.
Okay, this looks awesome.

The Bourne Series (2002/2004/2007)

This is probably completely inexcusable. Quick cuts in action movies bother me, but Paul Greengrass won me over with “Captain Phillips.” Also, any action movie starring Matt Damon has to be better than “Elysium.”
“Look how much they’re gonna pay me for The Adjustment Bureau 2!”

Halfway Through: The Best Films of the First Half of 2010

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There has been an unreasonably large amount of articles lately chronicling the best films of the first half of 2010. As a journalist, I need to stay relevant. So, why not chime in as well.

So far, this year in cinema has been quite odd. So far, trash has just been piling on and on. Big films have either been disappointing or flat out awful. “Robin Hood” was an example of Hollywood desperately trying to market off an existing franchise. That one failed, miserably. Another movie, “The A-Team,” is an example of the death of both originality and intellect.
Yet, maybe the financial troubles of those two films could prove that the public is actually starting to search for quality, not crap. But then again, some really great films also had trouble finding an audience. And yes, there have been a few really great films so far this year, ones that will most likely make it onto my year end top 10 list.
The best films so far this year are a mixture of independent and mainstream. Some are ultra violent, and others are ultra silly. Since we are only halfway through the year, I will do only half of a top 10 list. Here are my five favorite films so far from 2010. They are listed in alphabetical order, as I still have half a year to decide what is truly best.
Fish Tank
Nobody can do Realism quite like the Brits can. “Fish Tank” is a gritty and unflinching look at the troubles of a rebellious teenage girl living in a London slum. It’s documentary-like style is almost painful; it introduces to moments that perhaps we aren’t even supposed to see. But we’re looking at it for the better. Even from a removed distance, we feel with the characters, and change with them. Challenge yourself to watch it; you won’t regret it.


Kick-Ass

The movie to end all superhero movies, though it probably won’t. “Kick-Ass” manages to be so many things. While it’s a social satire about why superheroes can’t exist in reality, it’s also a fine entry into the superhero genre. It’s one of the best made films in a while, and it contains some amazingly shot action sequences. It’s also not afraid to get gory. In a world where few things seem taboo anymore, “Kick-Ass” is the rare film that actually feels edgy for all the right reasons. Oh, and I have to mention Hit-Girl. Believe me, you’ll never stop talking about her.


MacGruber

By far the most underrated film of the year. Most unfortunately saw “MacGruber” as dumb and unnecessarily vulgar. Vulgar indeed, but not stupid. What exactly is the essence of the brilliance of “MacGruber”? Is it how it managed to take a one minute long sketch and develop it into a feature length story? Or is it how perfectly it mocked the action genre without repeatedly winking at the audience? I would say a little bit of both. I think what made “MacGruber” ultimately so satisfying is that it’s truly, originally hilarious. It might not have made as much as “Killers,” but I think we all know which one people will be talking about 10 years from now.


Shutter Island

If there’s one person on the planet who could make a mainstream film feel like art, it’s Martin Scorsese. “Shutter Island” could’ve been a total disaster, but all it really needed was someone with as extensive a knowledge of film as Scorsese has. The film is a throwback to ’50s noir. It utilizes cinematography and soundtrack to the highest degree in order to elevate the extremely creepy atmosphere. It’s brilliant technically, but it’s also given a heart by the emotionally complex performance by Leonardo DiCaprio, who proves himself a better and better actor everyday. And unless you’ve read the book, there’s a nice little surprise waiting for you at the end. “Shutter Island” is a movie made for movie lovers.


Toy Story 3

Few movies have the capacity to both make me cry and feel like a child again. Congratulations, “Toy Story 3,” on getting nostalgia down right. “Toy Story” captured two very important moments in my life: the beginning of my childhood, and the end of it. I remember seeing the first one in theaters, and I’ll never forget when I saw the third one. But if you didn’t grow up with “Toy Story,” then see it because it proves why animation is officially a respectable form of art in society. It’s fun and it’s filled with more actual jokes than just pop culture references. Pixar, keep being you.


A Few Other Good Ones: Hot Tub Time Machine, Greenberg, Cyrus, Winter’s Bone, Splice, The Ghost Writer

In Honor of Halloween: The Five Best Horror Films

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I’ve always had an admiration for horror films because, when done right, they can quite simply define what it means to be entertained. You might forget why you cried at the end of “Titanic,” but you’ll never forget that final shock in “Carrie,” or that shower scene in “Psycho.” Quite simply, a good scare proves that our emotions remain intact.

What better time is there to celebrate the best films that make you scream than on Halloween? If you’re looking for some real horror this Halloween, check out these films; the five best horror films:

1. The Silence of the Lambs- To date, this is the only horror film to win Best Picture at the Oscars. And for good reason. “The Silence of the Lambs” boasts two of the creepiest villains ever and one of the most troubled heroes. You might be most shocked by the cannibalism and you might be most shocked by the well scene. Point is, there’s enough shock here to go around. As violent as it is, “Silence of the Lambs” is the rare horror film that truly uses character for thrills. And not cheap thrills. Anthony Hopkins performance as the brilliant cannibal Hannibal Lecter is one of the greatest in all of cinema. “A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.” Hopkins delivery of this line makes it all the more chilling. They say some movies truly have to be seen to be believed. If you want to understand truly why this horror film tops all others, then sit down and watch it, frame by frightening frame.

2. Psycho- Skip the 1998 shot-by-shot remake. Head toward the original instead because almost five decades later, Alfred Hitchcock’s classic hasn’t lost its power to make audiences scream. In discussing this film’s qualification for the list, only one scene is necessary: the shower scene. This scene still delivers goose bumps because of its hyper-fast cuts and shrieking musical scores. Try showering alone again after watching this, it won’t be easy.

3. Se7en- This contemporary masterpiece is also one of the bleakest films ever put onto the big screen. The film follows two cops hunting for a certain John Doe, a psychopath who kills his victims based on the seven deadly sins. “Se7en” is so distinct in the fact that it can frighten you for days not by what it shows you, but what it doesn’t show you. The audience never sees any of the victims die, but the aftermaths are even more horrible.

4. The Shining- The master of every genre, Stanley Kubrick, deserves at least one mention on this list. Only someone like Kubrick could take something as simple as a ghost story about a writer going mad from isolation and trying to kill his family to something so frighteningly complex. In this movie, it’s not just the axes and the blood that are so scary, but the eerie musical score, and those stunning tracking shots. “The Shining” was released 20 years after “Psycho.” This time audiences weren’t so much afraid of being stabbed in a motel shower by Anthony Perkins, but axed in the face in a hotel bathroom by Jack Nicholson.

5. Carrie- Some horror films try to scare you with cheap thrills like oozing blood and bumps with the night. Not this one. What starts off as your typical drama about a bullied high school girl, until she gains super powers and uses them for revenge. “Carrie” is a slow building horror film, with the greatest not occurring until well over an hour in. Brian De Palma uses Hitchcockian techniques to create slow-burning suspense leading up to its unforgettable climax. “Carrie” is an essential horror film for those with patience. To top it all of, this movie has the best final scare. Ever.

And, a few other classics: Rosemary’s Baby, Jaws, Deliverance, Alien