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Never Mind the Explosions: Five Summer Movies That Will Make the Cynicism Go Away

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Here’s where I would make a Kroll Show reference if any of you watched it. Image via Salon

I hate to say it, but summer movies make me feel more and more cynical by the day. It is a bad sign when “good enough” seems like the nicest thing you can say about any given movie.

Sometimes, it feels like Hollywood has lost so much faith in itself that it needs to have a million different voices contributing to just one project. Just look at The Amazing Spider-Man 2: it feels like every person on the Sony lot, from a top studio executive to a random janitor, got to contribute their ideas to the final product. Plus, with all of the sequels and remakes coming out, it feels like there isn’t a single authentic voice left in Hollywood anymore. I have no interest in seeing another superhero movie again, and I will repeat that to myself begrudgingly while buying a ticket for X-Men: Days of Future Past. Hey, it is good enough.

While not all original ideas are good (see: In Your Eyes), I nevertheless appreciate and celebrate every time film embraces something new, as opposed to something that can be turned into a toy six months before the movie actually comes out. There are some films to be excited about this summer, and I would like to take some time to acknowledge them. Here is a list I have compiled of five upcoming films that celebrate good ideas and likable people. Here are five upcoming summer films that might make all of the cynicism go away:

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Movie Review: Godzilla (2014)

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This was so boring that it actually made me fall asleep. Image via Screen Rant

Godzilla finally opens in theaters this weekend after months of hype and a few incredible trailers. The truth is, I have no idea if this is a Godzilla movie, or the idea of what a modern blockbuster should look like.

Godzilla is a character who does not need too much introduction, as he (her?) is now a part of international folk lore. While there is never a bad time for a giant Japanese monster to cause some chaos, Godzilla is a product of nuclear fallout, an issue that is maybe a little less scary and timely than it might have been during post-World War II or post-Chernobyl.

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Movie Review: Neighbors

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I’m still laughing at this scene. Image via Ace Showbiz

It’s a classic setup: a rag-tag fraternity goes up against their stuffy, adult neighbors. The underdog rebels go up against the establishment. However, what Neighbors wants to presuppose is: what if we are actually rooting for the adults?

Here comes Neighbors, which is the first big comedy blockbuster of the summer. It promises big laughs and gratuitous party scenes. It delivers on both these promises, but more on the latter than the former.

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Movie Review: The Amazing Spider-Man 2

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“And that’s why you always leave a note!” Image via Digital Spy

Oh Spider-Man, why do you always play with my emotions like this?

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 is a movie that didn’t need to exist, given that a perfect Spider-Man sequel already exists. Yet, here it is. While it is here, it might as well be loud, proud, and filled with search engine product placement.

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Analog This: A Review of Comedy Central’s Review

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Image via Comedy Central

“Life. It’s literally all we have. But is it any good?”

The Comedy Central Renaissance is as strong as ever. Kroll Show, Broad City, and Inside Amy Schumer got a new sibling this season.

Review has a simple enough premise that it doesn’t seem to have any legs: instead of reviewing movies or books, a man gets a show and reviews life experiences. This is enough for a self-contained cartoon. Luckily, Review goes way beyond the initial promise of its premise. We could use more of that in this world, because very few TV shows and films ever do.

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The Biggest Movies of Summer 2014 According to Your Grandparents

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Your grandparents are here right now eating lunch. They have great pastrami on rye. Also, this place was on the Guy Fieri Program once.

Summer is fast approaching and you are just a few weeks away from being able to burn all of your textbooks for firewood.

You will probably have a lot of free time this summer, and a lot of that time might be spent seeing relatives that you haven’t seen in a while. Perhaps those people are your grandparents, who might be heading up north to escape Florida. The humidity is no good for them.

Everybody knows that nothing brings families together like a day at the movies. Everybody also knows that nobody gets a movie title wrong like your grandparents do. They happen to come up with some creative titles that usually make absolutely no sense at all. Yet, they are often more creative than anything that most writers could come up with. One time, my grandpa referred to The Lincoln Lawyer as The Cadillac Man. In my eyes, that is pure gold.

In honor of all of the grandparents out there who just want to spend the day at the picture house, I have decided to breach the gap between two generations by providing what I hope is an accurate translation guide to accompany the one I came up with for holiday movies. Here is a helpful guide to the big movies of the summer, according to your grandparents:

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Four Least Anticipated Summer Movies

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Possibly a metaphor for the latter part of Adam Sandler’s career. Image via Uproxx

They can’t all be good.

It is easy to forget that every year, with all of the anticipation that the summer blockbuster season brings, a lot of movies are released that nobody asked for. Usually, the end of August and the entirety of September are reserved for the worst bombs of summer that Hollywood wanted to hide from you. However, some of those sneak into June and July. After all, it just wouldn’t be summer without a subpar sequel and an Adam Sandler movie.

Here are the four movies coming out this summer that I want to see the least. I chose four because numbers are irrelevant. Also, instead of the individual trailers, I have decided to accompany each movie with an SNL skit that at least one of the actors from said movie was in. It is partly because you can find the trailers on your own, and partly because I want to remind you that I still love Adam Sandler:

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Movie Review: In Your Eyes

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Sad white people be sad. Image via Word and Film

Perhaps the only reason that In Your Eyes has gained so much attention is because it was released on Vimeo on the same day that it debuted at the Tribeca Film Festival. I admire any project that experiments with platform release. However, sometimes the experiment overshadows the product itself, and it would help if In Your Eyes was better than it actually is.

In Your Eyes is written and produced by Joss Whedon, who has been using that sweet Avengers money to make weird little indie films (last year, he directed a micro-budget, modern day version of Much Ado About Nothing). In Your Eyes is a sci-fi romance that is not nearly as smart as it thinks it is. Simply, this film is about two different people who are somehow mentally connected to one another. To Whedon’s credit, he never tries to explain this strange phenomenon. Inception really did kill the idea of movies spending long periods of time trying to explain the unexplainable.

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Five Most Anticipated Summer Movies

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Round up the usual suspects! Image via Paste Magazine

Just like March, summer goes in like a lion (whatever giant franchise offering Disney has to offer in June) and out like a very wimpy lamb (whatever Paranormal Activity spin-off is lated for release in the last week of August).

It would be unfair to immediately dismiss this summer’s entire lineup just because it doesn’t contain many original ideas. For now, originality is dead in Hollywood. That is a well researched fact, just like the how dogs are better than cats and Jaden Smith is terrible at grammar. Instead of rejecting it, it is better for a cinephile’s psyche to find the silver linings.

While there will still be plenty of sequels, prequels, remakes, and adaptations this summer, some of the worst qualities of modern Hollywood are starting to go the way of the dinosaurs and M. Night Shyamalan. For instance, this summer will give us a few major blockbusters that don’t hit the three hour mark, as well as a worldview that is more fun than gritty. Gritty is for Oscar season. Summer is for fun. Smart fun, if that is in anyway possible.

Here are the five movies coming out in the summer of 2014 that I look forward to the most:

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Five Movies That Would Make Good TV Shows

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Image via ScreenCrush

Today, the common wisdom is that television is so much better than film. What people fail to mention is that TV wouldn’t be where it is today without film.

That being said, TV is getting inspiration from just about any source it can, and lately they have been turning towards older movies. Bates Motel and Hannibal, which are still running strong today, made headlines when they debuted last year. This past Wednesday, Fargo premiered on FX and accomplished the nearly impossible task of replicating the unique tone and style of The Coen Brothers.

Turning a movie into a TV show used to be viewed as a poisonous idea (anybody remember My Big Fat Greek Life?), but now it has become a popular practice filled with rewards. TV shows adapted from movies work when they take what they have been given and craft it into something new. Don’t try and rewrite history: have the series take place in the same world as the given movie, with an unspoken awareness that this movie and the events that took place in it actually happened at some point in either the past or future.

As much as I would love to rant against this trend as a killer of originality, it just seems pointless. It is easier to accept that some stories will just be told over and over again in different forms because that is how storytelling works. Besides, given the liberties they take, Fargo and Bates Motel might as well be separate stories. The truth is that familiar brands sell.

So instead of fighting against this trend, I will embrace it. Here are a few films, new and old, that could make great TV shows:

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